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robbingnovember (profile) wrote,
on 1-3-2016 at 9:29pm
Ah man. Was right as always. I have two gifts. One is knowing when people are into me and the other is knowing when people are about to break it off.. I'm kind of confused about how I feel. I think I feel more embarrassed and ego bruised than anything. I think I liked him? I really liked him as a person more and more- he was kind, reliable, smart, goofy. He was good to me. It's ironic that I am showing more feelings about this relationship than I ever have to him. I don't know why I couldn't do it. Natania says it is because I just didn't feel compelled to-- that I should find someone that I feel passionate and excited about. I guess we had a huge chunk of relationship missing-- in terms of talking at all about any sort of feelings. I'm just sad that I never got to tell him all the good things I thought and felt. Maybe that would have changed the course of things. I honestly don't know. I haven't been doing the mirror exercise and I need to start dating camp. What else can I do? He was good to me... OH WELL. He was even good to me in the end. He bought me dinner and walked me home. Now that is a good guy. I guess I need to trust that my body was doing the right thing. I'm just worried that I fucked it up-- like it was a good thing that I fucked up. I felt nice with him. I felt safe. I was attracted to him at times... I was happy to figure it out, but I guess I need to wake the fuck up. I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to have the relationship I so desperately want. I guess I need to keep practicing with Daniel. I will do whatever it is I need to do to grieve. I'm really going to try to learn my lesson this year-- speak your feelings before you ask questions. I swear I feel like I am in the same place I was 3.5 years ago with Vishal. I must recommit. I will meet the right person by Aug 1st this year!
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