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koalalady (profile) wrote,
on 1-28-2016 at 9:49am
Subject: Unretractable
I needed a change of scene this week. The old thoughts were hanging around, and I needed to get out. So I drove across the city and took myself out for a big-ass sushi working lunch. It was really effective.

Much of my work involves solving problems with creative ideas. I love being able to step back from the minute-to-minute, the hour-to-hour rhythm and feel the needs of the people I'm helping, to imagine a solution that will actually work this time. My work is getting better, but does it apply? It's less sloppy, esp. emotionally, but would it matter?

I love this city, Columbus. My head is clearer out here. Everyone sucks at driving in Ohio, but there's less snow. It's warmer; people are less disparaging. Kind of like the Portland of the Midwest in a way, I think.

I played my cards exactly right. This is what I needed to do to get out of those patterns. I've embraced my faults, and I have no regrets. I'm sorry about the people I hurt, but it all happened by default. Not that my choices were inevitable. I just did what I needed to do. I'm still pretty allergic to distance relationships, but I know why, and that's all that matters. And it's not really the big deep wound that I always thought; although the scars have their place, I can work around them now.

I...just need to be where my feet are. That's probably the most authentic statement you'll hear from me.
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