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kinkyrose1212 (profile) wrote,
on 6-10-2016 at 9:31pm
Current mood: crappy
Music: Factory sounds
Subject: A Bad Person Who's Done Good Things
Today one of my husbands friends and superiors called me up, after I texted my husband telling him I wasn't sure I was going to stay with him. This guy emphasized the fact that because of my actions, and mine alone, I have made Wolfe combat-ineffective and he can't be trusted behind a gun right now. And the guy was absolutely right. My husband is more wonderful than I deserve. He himself told me he didn't have the strength to tell me no but he could handle me continuously jerking his chain. He compared me to Humpty Dumpty and said I was teetering on the wall. I'm either going to fall in one direction in which he could maybe save me, or I'll fall in the other and shatter to the point where I will never be put back together again. And that is also true. Through letting him go, a part of me will die and will always regret not having the life he and I planned together and not being there for him in the ways I should have, the ways I vowed to. And I will deserve every second of torture and agony that will bring. I have crossed the line of being a good person who's done bad things and become a bad person who has done some good things. And quite possibly, I will never be able to redeem myself.
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