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|chuchitaaa (profile) wrote, |
on 12-30-2016 at 10:09pm
|Current mood: blank
Subject: Why does love have to hurt?
|I'm sick of it. My friend keeps telling me "You have to have a rock bottom when it comes to this man." But apparently I don't. I keep letting you reel me back in and hurt me. I keep letting you come and go as you please and I sit here waiting for you to realize that you WANT to be with me that you WANT to love me. As soon as you do , you run scared. Why? After 12 years, kids and miscarriages. you leaving and coming back MULTIPLE times you would think I would learn to let you go. but for some reason I still love you. I still crave you. I sit here daily waiting for your call or text. For you to just miss me a little. Why am I so damaged? I don't even know how I got here? I used to be so confident.. damn near conceited. I knew I was a beautiful person, a good person, loyal, respectful and happy. You took all this from me ... you've apologized and acted like you were sorry and devastated about doing this to me... then you slowly started to do it again. Whenever you see a light in me start to shine, you come and turn it off and then say I am not the person you fell in love with anymore. So I push and fight to become that person again. For myself... for you.. and you do it again. You break me to build yourself and I let you because I love you - but you don't see that you are killing me. Sitting here depressed. I never thought I was fat.. and now I can't even go to a dressing room without crying. I never thought I was ugly, but now I can't leave the house without make up. It's like I am constantly trying to prove to you I am good enough and you always find something else wrong with me.
Because of you, I feel like all men lie. Because of you I feel like I will always end up hurt. Because of you , I hate that my daughters will grow up & go through similar shit .
I hate that I love you.