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illusionofgaia (profile) wrote,
on 10-1-2017 at 11:37pm
Current mood: depressed
Music: Finch - Play Dead
Subject: Family
Sometimes I wonder, am I a terrible person for having so much disdain for members of my family? It isn't like I'm constantly bickering with them, or even treating them with malcontent. If anything I'm more than accommodating, constantly providing for them when they are in need and what not. However, I find myself feeling angry that I can't be selfish even when I would prefer to be. I want to leave and disconnect. To drop off their radar. It would be easy for me to find work anywhere in this country, considering my profession is in decent demand. Keep what I earn for myself, be where I want to be. Have all that I've ever wanted. But I can't. I'm too cowardly to be alone, despite always wanting to be. Maybe it isn't my family I'm angry towards, maybe I'm angry at myself and I'm projecting. I hinder my own progress because I'm weak and afraid. Always be stuck in the past, worrying about the present, fearing the future. Fuck.
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