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|godessalthena (profile) wrote, |
on 6-12-2018 at 4:02pm
|there isn't anything more than empty conversations filled with empty words.
I keep waiting for someone to save me. I know I have to save myself. I'm too weak. I'm too worthless.im too meek.
all these suicides in the news, and all I can do is longingly dream of the day that I might find peace.
my childhood and adult traumas have led me down this road where I constantly try so hard to have people love me and remain loyal to me. as a kid people told me I was creepy for trying too hard. all I wanted was a friend, to not feel alone,to maybe have the abuse stopped or at least have a sympathetic ear. now as an adult once I do find a friend I try too hard. I let my friends and lovers take advantage of my kindness, my generosity, my time, and I rarely get anything in return, I rarely ask anything in return.
I don't ask, because my needs aren't as important as everyone else's. if I try to cry in front of someone to maybe get a little sympathy, maybe not feel so isolated, I just get pushed even further away by harsh words of judgment. or they run away, afraid of someone else's feelings.
as a child I was cast away to the isle of solitude. there was no devil there waiting for me, a monster I could befriend. instead it was just an empty rock poking out of the bottom of the ocean, and here I still reside, waiting for the day I no longer count another day.