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steppingstones (profile) wrote,
on 7-16-2018 at 10:34pm
Current mood: near functioning
Music: Supernatural
Subject: Stable
I find it hard to write, even though I can think and talk a lot better now. I did sit last night and write up the allergies and tissue request message for N. But sitting and journaling has always been so difficult.

I felt pretty good before FF. I was actively working to be able to do mushs. And right before FF I was able to shift my mind into a more stable frame. And so all the inebriates and I feel tons better. I've been so stable this week.

And able to talk. Able to keep my feelings out of drowning what I'm saying and feeling. Able to DO things. I did the sticker book!! Finally!! And cleaned so much! Things really feel like they can truly come together if I just do some of the last few big things.

I've never felt this good. And it's hard.

There's a cost I think. The farther away from my emotions the less things make fluid sense. The less they feel ..... I said natural but this feels natural too. But in the emotional state they're a different kind of natural.

I want to write more.
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