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|steppingstones (profile) wrote, |
on 9-19-2018 at 5:31pm
|Current mood: itching
Subject: Starting Again - writing
|I put off writing.
So horrendously that I will do my best to push the concept of writing out of my mind by getting stuck on a tv show or mindlessly scrolling facebook posts Ive already seen. I picked at my hand and scratched it up for a few minutes in what I assume was a subconscious ploy to not type cause now it really hurts to move my fingers.
And I almost got up to make some tea before I pushed through and wrote this much. But now I'm going to get some tea, brb.
I almost actually convinced myself to do a quick workout on my way back with the tea cause I had already forgotten I was sitting down to write. Geez.
I don't know why I have trouble writing. It's the idea of processing? It's the idea of going slow enough with my thoughts to write them down? It's the futility that I forget what I write down, or don't write down. So many possibilities.
Maybe it's just in the overarching fear - failure. Not succeeding. Writing is tied to so many things I say I want to do write now in my life and I can't even post in my thoughts in a journal [regularly]. And now I've an overwhelming desire to watch more of a tv show I'm not even that jazzed about seeing, it's just my filler tv. But it's grown too deep. Gah.
Right, failure. As of now I have some thoughts sometimes that I think are really good and insightful and I am just this close to getting up and writing them down.....but they're often at a rather inopportune moment. It's just slightly too difficult to pause everything and get up and retrace my thoughts and write them all down.
Even this, I can't remember now that I'm sitting here, the many many things I wanted to write on about what I've been experiencing in the last few days and weeks.
Lots of things about perfection. And... um.. Relationships? Wait. No... Wow I can't remember. It'll come back to me though. I need another list of things to do. And to write out the schedule, that'd be a good idea.