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|goodbye (profile) wrote, |
on 7-3-2019 at 7:35pm
|I'm so... heartsore. I'm trying all the ways I can to ask for the love I need and I'm not getting it. I feel like I'm drowning and I'm screaming and thrashing and bobbing and sinking and he's not even looking over at me. I'm gasping as my lungs fill with thick sludgy water and bubbles and everything but enough love to keep me afloat.
The back and forth. The back and forth has quite seriously made me want to end my life. The cycle we're stuck in...
I'm so disoriented.
My future is so up-in-the-air that I don't know what to do with myself other than just curl up in a ball and cry. I've tried so hard to be the person other people have wanted me to be, and for him more than anyone, that I've completely lost sight of everything I want. Now I have it in my sights and I so desperately want it and it's so much further from my reach.
My time is going to end when it will be even remotely possible before there's ever even a glimmer of a chance that it might happen.
I'm so tired of getting my hopes up.