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|goodbye (profile) wrote, |
on 2-8-2020 at 11:11am
|My dad is the best person and I love him so much. He won't even know when I'm feeling horrible and he'll still just be so kind and loving and it really helps fill up those empty places that tell me I'm not a good person or worth while or someone anyone could love or enough.
Most of the time I keep it to myself how awful I feel. I am just floating through my days without direction and I feel as though time has gotten away from me and I haven't and won't be able to actualize any dreams young me had... Because she's still in my mind only she exists as someone I will never be again and the current me has no hope like she was bursting at the seams with. And also that I don't have the emotional tools to exist as an adult.
I never wanted to be one of those people who had a regular job at Macy's as an adult or a regular job receiving phone calls or something. In other words, I thought I could produce potential... Honestly I now just feel like I won't amount to a god damn thing. I won't ever be a wife or a mother or anything other than that sad fat girl dancing alone in the club around her ex and his wife because he could find something he wanted more than her and she put her faith in the next partner that has higher hopes for himself than her and won't commit.
I wish I was enough for more than just my parents. I wish I was enough for my boyfriend. I wish I was enough for my friends. I wish I was enough for myself.