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goodbye (profile) wrote,
on 4-7-2020 at 10:32am
I need to get out in nature. I need to get writing again. I've been doing my best to ignore how I am feeling so I don't get weepy every few minutes. Julius was a good person who did some shitty things. I feel like I knew the real him but just wasn't entirely engaged for protective reasons. I greatly regret this. My overwhelming feelings of regret are infecting every facet of my life. I don't know how to let go of this overwhelming grief. My counselor thinks that writing him a letter would be the most beneficial for me to get all of this negativity out of me and into the universe. I feel like being cooped up inside is one thing truly hindering my healing.

I am lucky to still have a job. I am lucky to still have a place to live. I am lucky to not be sick. I am lucky that my loved ones aren't sick. I need to be grateful for my opportunities. I need to be thankful for all that I have.

...But I wish I still had him here to tell him that I love him and want to be in his life.
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