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saywhat? (profile) wrote,
on 4-8-2003 at 1:09pm
Current mood: blah
Music: Norah Jones
Subject: ehh
Im bored..soo bored. although it seems like there should be things i should be doing(other than the freaking list of chores my mom left this morning for me to do..chhoorrees? wow. does she think im on summer break from middle school or something?) I cant stay here much longer. i am seriously losing myself..should i study abroad? i dont even know if any schools around here are even accepting applications still..i reallllly dont want to go to GRCC..i will HAVE to get an apartment if that happends...but does it make sense to go away to a school i dont really like just for the fact that i will be away at college again?
Like i said..im just. so lost. im not the same as before. i dont know if thats even a good or bad thing. im ready to just give up on most of the old freinds i had. i know its not the best thing to do.i know that i need them. even if i give 110% to them and they give me 10% but at the same time im just ready to give up on all that...not because im super confident that i can go out there in the world and make this great awesome new group of freinds that are more like me and that i can travel and do all the crazy things that ive wanted to do in my head for forever but never had the ppl around me to do them with...thats not the case..b/c when have i ever been the kind of person that could just go out there and meet those "awesome ppl" i mean..wouldnt i have already done that if that were the case...i just wonder about myself..yeah i was "popular" in High School yeah i had alot of friends..i mean it wasnt important to me..i defiantly never tried for any of that. but i onder about myself..how did all that happen if really..deep down inside..i didnt come out of HS with many good freinds or even a total sense of myself...I know that what has happened has affected my judgement of myself..and i know its never going to go back. but i have NEVER been so stuck in my entire life..and i hate it
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