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|mystery (profile) wrote, |
on 4-26-2003 at 7:55pm
|Current mood: pensive
Subject: "it's a long way down..."
|it's been a long day. that doesn't seem logical, i didn't get up till half past noon. and then i sat in the lounge and collaged for three hours, and then went to "stress free day" in the rcc, and ate hotdogs and popcorn and snowcones and smoothies and gave reiki treatments to several people. and i ate dinner and hung out with wendell and sonja and came back here and took a shower and now i'm plonked down writing this and combing my hair. doesn't seem like a very long day. so why am i so tired? and stressed? and worried?
well, stressed may have something to do with that 15 page paper i've really got to start writing. and tired with the fact that it's been a long, long week. worry, though, comes from situations my friends are in and things that worry me about my friends. not just my friends, my friend/family, the people i'm going to be living with next year (depending on the outcome of the mod lottery monday night, everyone cross your fingers for me!). they're all going through shit right now, this past week has been absolute hell for the "gayest mod ever". though sonja's world just brightened (yay viking success stories!) and maybe that's a good sign, and everyone else's world will follow suit.
but rebecca costello, someone i barely know but have great respect for (though that may be due purely to the fact that i met her on accepted students' day and she knew something about the Andes), sought me out at "stress free day" to warn me that sonja is a very difficult person to live with. she didn't tell me anything i didn't already know. sonja herself has gone to great lengths to impress upon us the fact that her previous living situations have failed and she was not blameless. but you know, i'm probably pretty damn hard to live with too. i bet we all are. but the fact that rebecca felt she had to warn me bothers me. i don't think the fact that other people have had trouble living with sonja is a reason we shouldn't try, but i'm worried -- i'm afraid it's a bad omen. i have this incurable faith in signs and portents. as sonja herself would say, "there's something wrong with the ju-ju". we've been planning to smudge our mod, once we get it, to clear out any lurking ju-ju. pity we can't smudge sonja. it might help.
thinking about all this this afternoon walking from the rcc to saga my brain did something funny: it called sonja "doll". which is more ju-ju, but it might be necessary ju-ju.
when i first met sonja, it was the thursday night after i came back from spring break, she and wendell and i were eating dinner together and then we went to the rcc and played foozeball and commie pool and sonja had a seizure and was impressed with how comfortably wendell and i dealt with it and then we all went back to wendell's room and had tea and talked for a few more hours and the whole evening i kept thinking she reminded me of someone, somewhere between the eyebrows and the tip of the nose. it wasn't till around midnight when we were all sprawled on wendell's bed and i was at a certain angle and she made a certain comment or a certain face, i don't remember, and my brain went "holy shit!"
and now my brain is calling her "doll".
it's the ju-ju. gotta be the ju-ju.