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Angel_Bob (profile) wrote,
on 4-28-2003 at 5:24pm
Current mood: apathetic
Music: Rain from Cowboy Bebop
Subject: Walk in the rain
I don't feel a thing
and I stopped remembering
The days are just like moments turned to hours


I was really depressed on Saturday. Take a knife to my wrists and kill myself depressed.


Mother used to say
if you want, you'll find a way
Bet mother never danced through fire showers


I told Ray about it today after school. Guess how much I got yelled at? Not much. He just told me I can't do that, ever. And if I get the urge I should call him. Truthfully, I feel like it now but I'm blaming it on hormones.


Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Is it right or is it wrong
and is it here that I belong


Sigh. I'm still scared. I hurt when I'm with Ray and I hurt when I'm not. I am back to non-feely and I'm not enjoying it.


I don't hear a sound
Silent faces in the ground
The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen


Ray loves me so much and there are days when I can't feel that love to tell him the same. Today was one of those days. I feel so bad for these times but Ray knows that tomorrow I'll be okay (hopefully).


If there is a hell
I'm sure this is how it smells
Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't


I was trying so hard not to cry today after school. I was digging my nails into my palm. Ray told me to stop so I did. The scary thing was, it didn't hurt.


Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Am I right or am I wrong
and is it here that I belong


How can I hurt so much deep inside but not feel any physical pain at all. And I don't even pay attention to the people hurting around me, I still owe Katie a hug.


Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Why do I feel so alone
For some reason I think of home


I have this feeling, way deep down, that everything I have isn't what I'm supposed to have. That it isn't what I'm going to end up with. And I like what I have.


If there is a hell
I'm sure this is how it smells
Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't


I love you all.
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