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|lp13a13ex54x (profile) wrote, |
on 5-21-2003 at 1:50pm
|Current mood: contemplative
Music: *Staind*Price to Play*
Subject: and THEN...
|hey people. im in my 5th hour right nows. i think ill make it a habit to write in here at least once every time im in this class. should be fancy fancy. i just got done reading kristens journal cus shes awesome lyk dat. geh, i have to write back renee and im really tired...plus she was kind of "distant" after 3rd hour so im not sure that shes very happy with me right now..for whatever reason. matt came to school this morning and gave me the new staind cd, "14 shades of gray". damnit. i wish i brought my cd player with me today but like the dumbass that i am, i forgot it. grr. matts a cool kid actually, even though hes one of muh stalkers. ;) danni ish too now! kewl beans..i also found out from matt yestersay that danni thinks im hott...interesting...whateva i dont dwell on shyt like that. i wanna listen to muh cd so badly right nows. ::whimpers:: ...im really proud of myself. i only took one advil so far today. yesh i know ::pats self on tha back:: im getting much better at that. which is a good thing i suppose.....i miss zane, and eddie ish pissed off at me. he seems like hes jealous of zane or something. i guess i cant say anything because me and zane do have all of that background and whatnot..but im really getting sick and tired of eddie telling me how much he hates zane because i know that zane feels the EXACT same way. i just dont want the two of them to have to duke it out because i care about them both. its hard at this point to try and choose a side, maybe it shouldnt be because afterall i AM dating eddie. but i know that theres people that eddie cares about more too..mike for instance...which i actually got up the balls to tell him about today..i told him how i really got annoyed when him and mike would get in a fight and he would take it out on me..and how hes ALWAYS talking non stop about mike and their problems. well he didnt have much take on that...oh well i guess i cant do anything about it right now.. and you see why i hate relationships? this right here...who the hell am i supposed to back up when i care about em both but i styll love...geh...nevermind. names arent important right now. he knows who he is and if youre a close friend of mine then my guess ish that you probably already know as well. i dont know what im supposed to do. i hate life. even when things feel like theyre getting better it never lasts that long..it really blows you know. and in the end i guess i always end up with myself because thats all i had from the beginning. me myself and i f*cking up everything i come in contact with. for shame. <> i need to get out of here..class sucks and school is just the same old damn thing everyday. cant wait until the end of the year. i wanna talk to kathy ..shes like my psychologist.(sp?!)... i would discuss it with erin but she had her own shyt to worry about..im not saying that kathy doesnt but until i get erin over my place or i go up to west palm and fill her in on every little thing (which i know that i will) ...id rather leave out details like this than put them up for discussion right away. alright well thats it for now, byes.
I learned to live without a pride. Just a shell, with me stuck inside. A prison though, not a place to hide.