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lp13a13ex54x (profile) wrote,
on 5-26-2003 at 1:31pm
Current mood: anxious
Music: *christina aguilera*fighter*
Subject: damn the music video 4 that song ish scary...::hobbles away with stick thing::
jello people. well, last night was pretty fun. i went to the mall at like 9 with ashley, my next door neighbor. jeremy's friend john's mom gave us a ride up there. it was so friggin hilarious. first of all, half the time we were there we just ran around and acted stupid, which is ALWAYS good, especially since ive bin so down in the dumps lately and wotnot. yeah..so...they ran around and john kept on pole dancing and shyt..then him and jeremy ran around and were kicking those HUGE nasty bug things that are always up therre, around the oasis. there were SO many of them it was disguisting. but they would just run up and kick em and theyd go flying and me and ashley were cracking up nonstop. john was really neat. hes kinda hott too. but hes got a chickers so whateva. lol. he was being really flirty with me tho, which was quite interesting. he made me feed him starbursts and he kept on getting me to smack his bum and he scratched his name into my leg with a safety pin..yeah that was pretty funny. then him and jeremy kept on grabbing at my boobs and john got a kick out of my little squeal sound. we scared a bunch of ghetto people up therre, so that was pretty great as well. then john confiscated a butter knife from hardrock cafe and went around throwing it in the air and shyt because hes super sexy. then we went walking around the back of the mall and we saw skittles riding by on his bike. john screamed 'i know you!!!!!!" and started chasing after him..then some people we never even saw before walked by and said "get him with the knife" and then john found a toothbrush on the ground and screamed "toothbrush!!!" and kept on running after him..and the other guy was like "no get him with the toothbrush!" and the guy before sed "stick it in his ass!"..it was so great. well eventually john came back and we all continued walking...ashley didnt say much throughout the night except fight with john. lol. well aaaanyway...we kept on walking and there were stairs leading up to somewhere and john screamed out "staircase!!!!!!!!!!" then he ran up the stairs..yeah hes a crackhead. but hes still damn sexy. bwah. eventually jeremy found a shopping cart and he ran it off of a curb. then john ran up and threw it in the water..then the mall security was like youre gonna have to leave. and i kept on whispering to john to drop the butter knife in the bush and finally he did. then we had to sit there while one of the mall cops went and found jeremy because john pinned the incident on him. evil evil child..smart though. lol. well then we all went into the parking lot. some scary guy pulled up and asked john if i was his girlfriend and john was like, "no IM her girlfriend" it was great. then the guy asked if ashley was single and she didnt answer him she wa sjust like "whatever" and he said "you broke my heart" and he drove away..yeah that guy was friggin scary. johns mom called and told us she was on her way to come get us so we just walked around for a while longer. we went and sat down in the parking lot and jeremy and john tackled me in the grass and john was humping my leg and crap, lol. i couldnt sstop laughing. ....well we all made a dog pile and were killing eachother, even ashley. and then me and john took off with jeremys shoes and ran across the parking lot. eventually ashley and jeremy caught up with us and we stood out in front of the main mall entrance aand waited for johns mom. john got me to sit on his leg and stuff anf then he was like lets make jeremy jealous and he was holding my hand and crap. then jeremy and ashley were attacking eachother and me and john were talking. then they kept trying to get us to moon the cars that went by and john was just being fresh in which ways i wont state right now,lol. well his mom came and picked us up.

ashley spent the night last night and most of the time we were watching the metallica icon thing on mtv. james hetfield ish so sexy. lolz. we went to sleep around like 4. cus were fancy fancy like that.

this morning ashley left at like 11:15. then i had to get dressed and go with my dad to win dixie to pick up a couple of things.

i think ive come to a very important decision. if i decide to stay on this earth and tough things out there are a few things that i need to make clear to myself. maybe i can be in a relationship, but maybe i just shouldnt. its obvious im not happy with myself, so i cant expect anyone else to be. so i dont know if im going to see anyone else for a while. i know that may just seem like im saying it just because..but im actually thinking about it for once. theres things i need to get over, get through, and i cant be that selfish to another person in a relationship. thats the reason that eddie broke up with me to begin with, i was too wrapped up in my own issues. i would never justify what he did but im just saying..not everything is quite the coincidence either. =/ i still believe strongly that a relationship should be based on understanding, and trust, and the will to do so, so that two people can grow stronger together and learn to accomplish anything. but you cant always get that dependent on somebody like that. and right now i feel im just at that point where in a way, being single is good, but in other ways, i guess im afraid to go babck to having nobody. the only reason i would want to be single was for him. and thats just showing alot of dependence right there. so what does that really have to say about me? is that all that i am? i cant accept that and i know that nobody else would want to either. so for now its just me, myself, and i. to tough it out by myself, for myself, or to not. either way, if its gonna end, the only person who i want to be there is me.


one thing i will admit to though..no matter WHAT the hell it sounds like...
all i know is that, all my life, i have never loved anything more.
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