|Anonymous wrote, |
on 01-01-03 at 8:16am
I agree with Ellie, the tempo is a bit off towards the last. Almost as though a paragraph is missing.
How about something along these lines?
"This isnít honor, Cadet. This isnít some classroom brawl, or petty crime. This is a violation of Godís law. Someone has to be held accountable." This wasnít the dressing down that Romuel had expected. It was difficult for her to stand as it was, without waiting so long. It was becoming hard to listen to the headmaster, and she was so very tired.
"Your partner, Miya Kitsu, is going to be brought in shortly." He said, changing tactics; his voice measured. Romuel fought her pain and fatigue to maintain her silence at this sudden shift. "Even if she doesnít have the answers I need, I will punish her for failing to be by your side to protect you."
Romuel tightened, taking in a breath. She had placed herself in this situation to protect Miya. Only Romuel had known of the danger to her partner and friend. And silence would protect her own honor. No one had to ever know. Secrets were the mortar that held Academy together. The headmaster had to understand...
"Someone will be punished!"
He held the goad of his office, a wooden rod with an iron core. It was a tool of discipline. He held it in his hand as if it contained the solutions to all the world's problem. Without any warning, the headmaster began to beat the goad upon his desk, shattering the wood easily. Romuel bounced, trying to regain her stance as he savaged the furniture, splintering it into ruin. It seemed to Romuel that it was improper for the headmaster to be crying while he performed such a violent act. Lady Caerien held his shoulder when he was done. "I have a daughter her ageÖ" he mumbled, pointing to Romuel. His words were no longer angry but sorrowful, as Caerien held him, allowing the Rock of Academy to weep.
How does that play?