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|michellestar (profile) wrote, |
on 09-03-05 at 5:41pm
|Why did you ever play the game in the first place? Aren't you old enough to realize alcohol and getting into the pants of different girls will only last as long as the buzz or the night out? Reread all of your woohus from the past few months. What do you see? I saw someone who was very lost and very afraid to admit it.
Of course love exists. What are you talking about? You above all people believe in love. I know this because you love everyone. You love so easily. YOU are evidence loves exists. Why are you letting people (ie me and other girls) destroy that for you? You give us too much power. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.
I want you to be happy Micheal. And I know without a doubt the activities you participate in (and that you feel the overwhelming need to tell us about) will not give you what you want. Why should I even have to be telling you this? I know you're smarter than this. Stop looking for a temporary high, and start building who you want to be. Get some meaningful relationships. And sorry, but TBW is where the lost go. They have NO IDEA what life is about. I don't go on there, but I've heard some of the things you've posted. And if you're truly like that now...then I have no idea what happened to you. I sure hope that isn't who you are.
And for the love of God, STOP caring about what we think. I always felt like you were trying to prove yourself and how awesome your "new" life is. We want you to be happy. We would even like to be involved in your life. I don't know if you were ever trying to make me feel jealous or not (maybe that's just me being egocentric) but your entries always made me feel bad for you, not jealous. Because frankly, you sound like one of those types of guys I can't stand. The kind that are so removed from what life should be about, that all they see are booze and ass.
And please, stop bragging. I've lost 17 pounds since we've broken up. And that isn't an estimate, that's exact. I've gone on dates since we've broken up (with a sailor in the US Navy nonetheless) but why should I write entry after entry about these things? What would that prove? Do something meaningful Micheal. We care about you.
Do you still pray? Do you still talk to Jumbo and Dez? Don't forget about those things that will be there forever if you let them.
I hope none of this was too harsh. I just think you need some direction. If you're mad at me about any of this, well...I guess nothing would change. Please think about what I've said, don't just immediately get angry. I swear to you it's only because I care.