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|goodbye (profile) wrote, |
on 01-19-12 at 3:35pm
|Personally, I have cheated, have flirted, and have been the other woman (or at least have tried to be). Now I am in a healthy relationship, no matter what drove me to do those things in that previous relationship, if I truly loved my significant other, I feel I wouldn't have been driven to being so careless with their emotions - even if they lied and cheated on me as well. If I forgave that person, I wouldn't have brought all of those things up again in fights and arguments. I shouldn't have stayed so long due not only to my self-respect, but because I was doing the same things.
None of those things are right. Even if you are single, it wouldn't be fair to that relationship. I'm not saying that as a person in a now healthy relationship, feeling others will strike. I'm saying that from the perspective of the other woman and as the person who was coerced in the past. I wasn't considering both the feelings of my or their significant other. And at one point during another coercion, I recognized what was happening to my relationship and was not as present in the other person's life. I paid more attention the relationship I was in... but in the end, still wanted something different - which I believe is one of the things that sucked me away in the first place. But I don't blame that on someone else, I blame it on myself.
In my now healthy relationship, there are no lies. There is no deceit. There is no getting the other person back for those wrongs, as you were mentioning with the toothpaste cap or knife set. None of that shit seems to matter when you love the other person. You want to not harm them. You want to protect them from yourself. You want them safe and sound and on that pedestal you have created for them. And you know, if you are not careless with them, they will not hurt you as well. You trust that everything will be fine.
Now if someone betrays you by either deserting you or having someone else they are involved with, it takes time to build that trust up for the individual who hurt you. But it shouldn't take time for that trust to repair itself from another person who hasn't wronged you. Jump head-first into that relationship with knowledge of someone else's actions, but not feeling as though they are they same as the last one.
It is a delicate balance. But none of it, as we told ourselves as children, is easy. It takes time. It takes faith in love. It takes dedication. And I think it also takes the right mindset. If you aren't thinking the relationship is the same as the other person does, whether that be that it is only temporary or will last forever or that you want to marry that person, it won't work out no matter how hard you try. You have to be, together, knowing where it is headed and not cheat the other person out of a better person if you see how devoted they are to you and you don't feel the same. Being selfish or jealous in a relationship never works - from the point of view as the most jealous, selfish person I know. Relationships don't mean you think about what you want. It means you think about what is best for the both of you (while still of course, being happy it is going that way).