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|goodbye (profile) wrote, |
on 01-19-12 at 6:36pm
|No problem. I always read the new posts on the front page. Usually to procrastinate on some work. But this one I took particular interest in because I have had so much to do with it in the past.
When I was "the other woman" I was only selfish. I not only didn't consider the feelings of the guy I was trying to get involved with (when it came to his relationship), I also wasn't considering his significant other's feelings. She was very upset when she found out. They tried to make things work but in the end, she found someone else and he was not particularly over either of us. And I realized I was completely stupid for trying to get anything from him - whether that be flirtation, attention, or something more. Not to mention I wasn't single.
Cheating was only one of the causes of the end of my relationship. I decided to cheat after so many things that went wrong. Neither of us were trying anymore. And I didn't consider cheating as sleeping with someone else, even though he did sleep with someone else. I cheated by kissing someone else. And also cheated because I did have a crush on him and after I "dumped" my then fiance, went back to this boy and did some more things with him. I'm not proud of the cheating. But I think, even though we both cheated, even though we both were sorry for it and regretted what we did and if given the chance wouldn't do the same, we still are better off not in a relationship with each other. There were so many more things that were wrong and though my cheating wasn't the right choice, it did cause me to see that one of the reasons for cheating was because I think I was looking for an out.
No, when I was speaking on coercion, I have been the one in a relationship and others have tried to woo me out of it. Several of my male friends have done this. One went as far as to take a six hour drive in hopes to have something be there because I was doing that "harmless" flirting with him. Not because I liked him, but because I was getting attention from him that I wasn't from the relationship I was in. Many tried to be "the other man." One succeeded, but that was because of me. And we never got into a relationship, we just fooled around after everything was over. Not much of a climax and after getting input from the perspectives of myself, my ex, the other guy, and someone not involved, I am not proud of anything I did.
If my now boyfriend cheated on me, someone I love with all of my heart, I wouldn't know how to deal with it. I can imagine it would feel something like not being able to breathe... like the walls would cave in on me and I would feel as though I was dying. But I don't know for sure. I think, if I loved someone completely with all of my heart and tried my best to make it work, and they betrayed me, I probably would lose all of the faith I have in men. Regardless of whether they're different. Though I don't think the love I felt for my previous partner was true, we both hurt each other and I will never forgive him for that stuff - which is why we're not together anymore. But I do know, any further cheating would be devastating to not only my self-confidence, but to my psyche as a whole. Don't know about you, but that's how I feel.