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spud (profile) wrote,
on 07-05-14 at 9:58am
amen sister. sort of.

in order to even have a chance at being content with wherever we are in life, we need to accept all of the things - good AND bad - that led us to that point. without those mistakes and regrets, we wouldn't be right here right now. and it is important to be objective and honest with ourselves when assessing how good right here right now actually is.

i'm 27, and i'm living in my dad's basement. i am not paying rent. i barely pay for my own food. i have a bachelor's degree, and yet i make $10 an hour shoveling concrete for 10 hours a day. it doesn't seem right, or fair, that i should be destined to become such a complete loser.

but it doesn't matter. i can be content with right now. i'm alive. i'm covered, for the moment. this is not forever. i got a car! i'm sober, which is a miracle in and of itself. i get to change. i get to rebuild myself. i get to get better. one day at a time.

i don't know if you realize just how envious of you i am/was that you got to do all this traveling, learn a bunch of different languages, meet all these new people. it was not cool being inside the machine, looking out at all my successful friends running free, any more than it was fun to watch all my successful friends climbing the ladder to the top of the machine, while i sat outside because i wasn't good enough or tall enough or smart enough or fast enough to ride the ride. and it's all bullshit. it's just your ego trying to tell you that you suck. the ego will feed you lies upon lies upon lies, and for some reason they seem more plausible - i guess because they're coming from within.

don't listen. they're lies. you're fine. i'm fine. let's allow our hearts to sing the song of their people.

okay, that last just made it sound gay. i'm sorry. but you get my point.
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