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lp13a13ex54x (profile) wrote,
on 7-2-2003 at 5:53pm
Current mood: bored
Music: powerman5000-whatever their new song is...?
Subject: so very bored...fancy seeing YOU here.
hello there people. and how is everyone this evening>?..very nice. well erin came over for a while these past 4 days and my dad drove her home yesterday at around 8ish at night. when she was over most of what we did included going to the skate park to chill with danny,renee,ray,jules,lev, and that sort...chillin at my house playing bloodrayne and entertaining ray when he came over extremely drunk...bleh. and fun filled hours of dryhumping the mattress...ah the sweet serenity. well im pretty bored now so im just going to ramble while i wait for dinner to be finished. im friggin hungry as hell. like i said, ray came over the other night and he was really drunk but i must admit that i have never before been so entertained throughout my entire existance on this planet. thanks ray. but im never letting him in my house again if he isnt sober. lol. sorry ray. but really, he was so hilarious and me and erin were both there when all of thid was going on.."its on my sock!"..lmao hen. ray youre such a damn dirty dork! i love you. lol. this morning consisted of me waking up at like 9 to wash off the patio on the poolside and wash all of the dirt from underneath the patio chairs,table, and whatnot. then i had to rinse off all of the chairs out there, fold and place a few loads of laundry in the dryer, and do the cat litters. oh the insanity. hm you know i just realized that i havnt heard from kathy in forever? going to have to give her a ring pretty soon. i need to get a few of my things from her that i loned her a while ago. i heard that shes moving..thats mighty gay if you ask me because shes one of my closest friend and its gonna hurt to see her go, especially to texas which we all know is completely across the map away from florida. you know who else is moving soon? ray. i knew that all things would have to come to an end but this is just the epitimy of gay. and i dont care if anyone asked me or not because it is. it just is. well, right now i would probably be out having fun with ray or lev or others being that my mom ungrounded me from when me and erin got in trouble for walking home from the skate park at 10:45 at night...but you see, ray got himself grounded once again! urrgh. the boy just cant stay good for more than i week it would seem. oh well hes still wicked awesome. heh. he wanted me to come over to his place today instead but i dont know if im gonna be able to now that dinner is almost ready and its already like 6 in the afternoon. but anyway well see. plus i need to try and remember where the hell he lives. he told me on the phone earlier but i wasnt paying that much attention because i didnt think that my mom would allow me to go anyway. im sucha horrible person. lol. you know what was the most interesting thing in the world lately? zane of all people, was talking to renee a few days ago on the computer on aim, and he actually told her to tell me that he said hi whenever renee talked to me again. isnt that just something? i'll say it is. im surprised he has decided to come around because i havent seen him online in decades. i wonder if hes still dating ashley the beaver..not that i really care anyway but it would be funny to see if they are still hangin in there together. probably because shes a doof. i cant believe ashley failed the 8th grade. one would have to contain some type of retardation element in their brain to not pass that year. its so damn easy! jeez. but personally me and a few other people find it to be hilarious. renee told me about it when we were still in school, but she said that she had to take a test first..well i guess we all know how THAT went now dont we? funny shit. kristen imed me the other day and said "zanes girlfriend failed the 8th grade"..yep so thats how it went huh?? again, funny shit. sucks for her...moving right along. im so happy for myself that im still with ray and all..its the best decision ive made in forever ill tell you that much. i just hope i dont lose him..but things look really good so far. hes always saying how much he loves me and whatnot and it means so much coming from him because i think i really do love him...and thats the biggest relief in the world because finally its someone whos worth it. ive heard alot of things about him from other people, as you might already know from reading a few of my previous entries...but actually getting to know him better and just seeing how he acts with me and what he says about me when hes around other people..ive learned to have alot more faith in him because he actually values this relationship. and if i hear anything else ever again from anybody ill just come to him about it or find out alot more of the facts from someone who would really know and was there. thats the only thing i can do because i dont just wanna go off on him for no reason and i know that he really cares about me, possibly more than alot of other people whom hes gone out with before. so i think its worth just asking him about everything if anything like that should ever come up again. would you do the same thing? of course you would. no use of wrecking something i love so much. i think he has actually managed to restore most of my faith in guys, and alot more in myself. which can never be a bad thing. any mistakes that i have ever made im now being able to look at it in a different light. because if i hadnt have made those mistakes and gone my different way about seeing certain people or bringing certain guys back into my life again...i would have never had this chance to be with him. and thats the best event thats happened in my life in a long while. i find myself willing to get out of the house more, im turning into a better person overall, and im opening myself up more to things rather than just not giving anything a chance for fear of getting hurt.i havent cut myself since i can remember..and i havent gone through any depression streaks lately. sometimes you just gotta have a little faith. ive realized that these things take time. and if i had the chance to go back and do it all again, knowing what i now have with ray, i wouldnt have it any other way. hopefully ray feels the same way, because maybe hes too hard ass to admit it out front.,...but i really think that he does. hes alot more genuine when its just me and him..he actually talks about things that he wouldnt bring up around other people. and we can tell eachother basicly anything. right now i feel like nothing could make what we have any better right now. taint it fancy? yesh yesh it ish. well im gonna go talk to some people online, eat dinner and take a walk. ill update later or tomorrow. byebye. -Stephanie-
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