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|lp13a13ex54x (profile) wrote, |
on 7-7-2003 at 2:20pm
|Current mood: empty.
Music: simple plan-ill meet you there
|i just got off the phone with ray about 20 minutes ago and i have been in the process of sobbing my internal organs out since around that time. he told me that he is going to be moving in about two weeks, maybe even less than that. words cant really describe how horrible i feel right now. i cant even think straight. i love him so much..i dont even think he knows just how much i appreciate him..everything just sucks so bad right now to no extent. hell be moving up to north florida about 4-5 hours away from here, away from me. =/ i dont want to let him go and my stomach just feels like its wrenching and twisting right now at the thought that our relationship might not make it through the big move. he might be able to come over later, and if he can i just want to talk to him and ask him if he wants to continue the relationship even though hes moving. it might seem hard to other people to do something like that, but we might be able to accomplish it. i know that i could stay faithful to ray. i just dont know if i could handle not being able to be with him for that amount of time in between. i dont even know if he would be able to visit me down here somehow...we have alot to discuss, that's all i know. i just wanna hold him and never let him go, and this is just tearing me apart. nobody could understand. im going to miss him so terribly its just inexplainable. i cant stop crying and i havnt cried like this since ...well..you know if youve been keeping up with my journal entries. but this hurts so much more because its something i feel like i wanted even before we started dating. and thats how much more its gonna burn. he sounded so drained on the phone earlier..i dont know if it was because its moving..but it would just be nice to know that hes gonna miss me, like i will him. i dont understand how people can just be taken away, just like that. and i HATE that the biggest things in life that matter arent even our choice, i just HATE it!!! theres so much that ive gone through in this lifetime and for once..being with ray i thought that i went through all of that for a reason..because if i just gave up i wouldnt have found him..but im back to not understanding a damn thing about this world again. whoevers in charge, fuck you. fuck your opinion, your authority, your fucking spineless attempts to ruin other peoples lives and not even come down here and see how it fucking feels! what you put people through each day.youre just a useless bastard who cant handle it so you dish it out onto other people. well guess what, whoever the "superior" being is who's out there supposedly watching us each moment..youre nothing to worship or appreciate. so get back in line with the people who actually have to deal.
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