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| kailster (profile) wrote, on 11-12-2003 at 6:46am | |
| Current mood: tired Music: hoobastank - running away |
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| well last night was kinda stressful so i didn't finish my project till this morning...i fell apart last night...all the crying i've been holding back definently came out last night. it was like a trigger to my heart that just made it finally break in 2. i was talking to chris online, i was complaining about shit as usual and i was so fed up, i wanted to just tell him how i felt inside...but i didn't...and i won't i gave it all up, it's my own fault...and yes it's true...you don't know what you got till it's gone! i felt safe and whole but at the same time i felt restricted and held back from the world...but i'm too scared of the world anyways...so why can't i go back to being restricted!? ahh i dunno...my heart just can't deal with this. I cried and cried and cried last night, my pillow was soaked with tears. everything just hit me in the face and it hurt so much...i thought it would end after a few tears, because i still have him as a friend...but oh no, they kept coming...because i don't have his love, and that's what my life has been based on for the last 3 years...and now it's over. it's all over. i don't even know if i can stand being friends with him..it's hurting me too much...but i will because i can't let that go...i love him too much, and that's the last thing i have of him...and i won't let that dissappear with everything else. i have HUGE bags under my eyes...i hope no one can tell...today is going to be a silent day...i don't know what to say anymore...i don't belong anywhere...and wherever it feels right to be...i leave from it. i'm going to be lost for the rest of my life...go figure. k |
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AllieCat210 | . . ., 11-12-03 4:37pm Kail. I still love you. You always got me...LoL. ~Allie |
kailster | Re: . . ., 11-12-03 4:54pm thanks alliecat :-) i love ya too! hehe
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