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H2OforDuo (profile) wrote,
on 12-13-2003 at 5:29pm
Subject: My poetry
I can't stop shaking...

Here is some poetry I've writen. please coment on them. I want feedback. If you have questions, please ask.

She ran,
Crashing through the brush,
Eyes wide with terror,
Gleaming purple in the moonlight sifting through the trees.
She looked back,
Heard the hoof beats barely over the pounding of her own heart.
She ducked into the ditch,
Screaming as she fell into unseen thorns
Which tore her flesh.
A horse neighed nearby,
Hooves pounded,
She ripped from the thorns,
now scratched and bloody,
she ran once more,
Knowing she would die at the hands of her assailant.
Faster she ran,
Hot breath of the huge black horse on her neck.
Red predatory eyes stared at her from behind.
The horse reared,
Knocking her on her ripped up back,
Shards of glass ripping her back more.
Hooves came down,
Smashing one of her hands.
Her scream was heard all over the woods.
She rolled as the horse reared again.
The black clothed rider jumped off.
He placed a foot on her chest,
And ran his sword through her chest.
The girl stared with huge eyes as her blood soaked into the sand.
The rider grinned at her
And watched her die,
His sword still in her chest.
His horse blinked those eyes and seemed to smile wickedly.
The man pulled his weapon from her dead corpse.
Running ash colored fingers down the bloody blade
He laughed,
Bringing her blood to his lips,
Savoring the metallic taste.
He cut a cross into her chest with a sickening smile on those bloodstained lips.
Fingers and blade once more clean,
He left her body a grim spectacle for passer by-s to see,
With a bloody cross and a crown of those thorns which had given her life away,
The innocent is slaughtered once more.


Flash Flood

Flash flood,
Unexpected tears.
I think of my predicament with you,
My skin is unpermiable,
Wont soak up the rivers on my cheeks.
They stare.
“What are you crying about?”
I choke.
I dam up my tears.
“Nothing at all.”
I wipe my eyes and go back to my science,
They shrug.
If only they knew.
But I want no relationships shattered like glass.
If only it could be…
You occupy my mind every day.
If only you knew,
But maybe you do,
And I don’t know how to tell.
You make my head spin,
But deep down I think I might like it.


I’m falling
Into that pit…
I land with a muted –thump-.
It’s dark here…
So dark.
I look up;
I must have fallen a long way
Because I can’t see a light at the top,
Yet somehow it’s getting darker.
Something is twining around my wrists,
And ankles:
I struggle against the bonds,
I’m pulled through the bottom,
Screaming as the blackness envelops me,
Trying to claw out,
But I am lost in this black pit of woe.
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12-14-03 7:47pm

your words are beautiful... they make me feel what you feel.

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12-25-03 6:34pm

Your poetry absolutely kicked my ass with its coolness. Amazing.

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Re:, 12-27-03 12:55pm

Thank you ^_^

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