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| TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams (profile) wrote, on 12-26-2003 at 6:29pm | |
| Current mood: good Music: the tv Subject: Discovery |
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| As Christmas has come and past I have found out a few things. I have discovered how much I truly and deeply love David. I knew it would be a lot but I never imagined it to be like this. Do you really know how much you truly loe someone until they have been away for awhile or until you have almost lost them? I don't think you do. No one knows this but everynight I talk to David. (I know we talk for an hour or two before we fall asleep, but I stay awake after the conversation has ended). I stay awake and talk to him even though he can't hear. I tell him everynight, with greta inadaquecy, how much I love him, how much I want to spend the rest of my life by his side, and even though David nor whoever reads this may not want to know this I am going to tell you this anyway, when I am finished telling him this....Icry myself to sleep. I cry because I am away from the love of my life but also because the thought of living without him is unbearable. I also cry because the wait I will have to bear will probably be long before I actually get to have him as my husband in everyones eyes. I love you with everything I have, i wish I could give you the world but I can't so I give you myself, every last bit of me, in hopes that, that is enough. That wasn't the only thing I have discovered. i have also found that I have truly let go of Ben. No part of me, not one, wants him. Before i would have given anything to be just his and only his, but now things have changed. I only keep his notes and pictures of us for memories of what was good. There are so many that are very wonderful, I'll hang on to those. Even though they do show our relationship and reveal how much we did love each other, that love is only memory. That is all it will ver be..... a memory. It is a good memory that I will hang on to. I hang on to it because it gives me hope that there is love and even though relationships do fail we can move on, we can let go, and even, love again. So with that I must say this.... Ben, I forgive you. Even though you hurt me so badly I do forgive you. You taught me a lot. Don't let the fact that you hurt me get to you. If you do that you will only bring yourself down. Don't remember the bad things...well, yes, remember them but let the good overcome the bad. I have healed, moved on, am happy, and let myself love again without fear. Now it's your turn to do the same. Discovery is a beautiful thing and in my time away from David I allowed myself to discover and I'm glad that I did. No David wasn't holding me back. Well, he kind of was because this took time, a lot of time alone, and a lot of thinking. With him around I wouldn't have been able to ask for so much space. |
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Firesfinesse | 12-26-03 10:26pm That is so cute. Everybody needs someone to love. You can't keep urself away from such unmanagable things. And you were lucky enough to find such a great thing. Good Luck! |
| fuctxupxkid | Re:, 12-28-03 8:42am we need to talk about some stuff, real quick. i'm at my cousin's right now, but i'll be home on the 2nd. please give me a call.
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| Firesfinesse | Re: Re:, 12-28-03 8:43pm wHOA! Everything is getting so confussing! What is going on?! |
| fuctxupxkid | Re: Re: Re:, 12-30-03 3:19pm eh. lol, i think you thought my post was directed towards you.
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