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desiredrelease (profile) wrote,
on 12-30-2003 at 5:18pm
Current mood: exhausted
Music: something corporate, airports
Subject: on this coldest of January nights, we drive out past the runway and watch the planes go flying by, the runway lights are the deepest blue like the colors of your eyes so close them tight and kiss me..
yesterday, taken from charles dickens, was the best of times, yet the worst of times
jordyn had spent the night and the day began with a hour and a half road trip up to brandon, florida to cruise around the brandon town center, that was the superb part of the day, come to think of it, the day was full of bliss until dusk, when the regreting sun hid behind the trembling trees, when night began to captivate this land did it become the worst of times

only on blue moons does sami venture online, and the previous day just so happened to be the night where the indigo tint radiates throughout the shadows defining the darkness of night, inevitably, we exchanged pleasent greetings, nothing to sentimental, but to understand this, you must first off know that sami and i were best friends last year, unseperatable, but since then i seem to have been modified dramatically.. we risked the thought of attending different high schools, suggesting we would still be in contact through the studio, but it didnt conclude as such, she latched onto the people from her new school and i fastened onto other that i would later call my best friends, hence that takes us to yesterday, in which she invited me to a new years gathering but i declined, declaring i would have loved to go, but i have family over, she dismissed this excuse and rather construed it as i was "ditching her", as constructed by her mind

following are some excepts from our conversation, no means in hurting anyone that could be offended by this in return :/

abrcrmbiet EASE: dont say that :/
CSNJDO: i feel ditched
abrcrmbiet EASE: you know that isnít true Sami
abrcrmbiet EASE: donít feel ditched, I miss you an unspeakable amount!
abrcrmbiet EASE: im sorry you have to feel that way
CSNJDO: yeah and hailey i know you dont see it but your dif now and i donít like it
abrcrmbiet EASE: wish i could know how so
CSNJDO: i feel like i donít know u very well n e more
CSNJDO: & i hate it
abrcrmbiet EASE: what changed?
CSNJDO: just the way you communicate with me and your behavior
abrcrmbiet EASE: you dont seem to bother with me ne more.. you are with all the people who attend your school
CSNJDO: i dont ever talk to ne one at cypress
abrcrmbiet EASE: at the studio
abrcrmbiet EASE: with kasey and maria n carla n leah
abrcrmbiet EASE: i kinda got pushed away, not that im complaining
abrcrmbiet EASE: im not ditching anyone sami, i would much rather have it be as it was last year
CSNJDO: no u never get pushed away u just are 2 busy being suffocated to talk 2 me
abrcrmbiet EASE: but i have changed a lot since last year
abrcrmbiet EASE: i have realized that
abrcrmbiet EASE: i didnt realize until now how it affected our relationship now
abrcrmbiet EASE: maybe it was right
CSNJDO: it makes me feel like im not wanted i wrote this thing the other night when i was thinking bout it
abrcrmbiet EASE: why do you feel that way??
CSNJDO: idk but i wrote something and was really sad and went to sleep crying
abrcrmbiet EASE: you have me in tears now
CSNJDO: i was really really upset and i just sat there for a long time crying and thinking about how i can tell you
CSNJDO: im not sure but i think maria feels kinda like i do but she wasnt as close so i dont think she could be nearly as hurt
abrcrmbiet EASE: maria takes it out in the wrong way
CSNJDO: yeah i just keep it inside
abrcrmbiet EASE: as do i
abrcrmbiet EASE: but tonight nick has to put up with it
abrcrmbiet EASE: god this is terrible
abrcrmbiet EASE: you have no idea even who nick is
abrcrmbiet EASE: and here i am, telling him everything, we grew apart
abrcrmbiet EASE: you here saddens me to no end
CSNJDO: im sorry but i had to tell you it was killing me
CSNJDO: it was awful
abrcrmbiet EASE: killing me slowly
CSNJDO: im sorry i just was really sad
CSNJDO: and i feel so distant lately
abrcrmbiet EASE: you have no idea..
CSNJDO: its so so awful !!
abrcrmbiet EASE: dreadful
abrcrmbiet EASE: this isnt how it is supposed to be
abrcrmbiet EASE: what happened?
abrcrmbiet EASE: what caused this?
CSNJDO: idk but i miss u hailey can you come over new years day late afternoon and u can stay the night
CSNJDO: we need to get together
abrcrmbiet EASE: we do
CSNJDO: we need to just be us again
abrcrmbiet EASE: i pushed you away
CSNJDO: r u ok ?
abrcrmbiet EASE: and what do i have to show for it
abrcrmbiet EASE: what did i get in return
CSNJDO: hailey its ok it isnt that bad now we can start over
abrcrmbiet EASE: i cant believe i would do this
abrcrmbiet EASE: i have been told alot lately that i have changed
abrcrmbiet EASE: so many ppl have told me

and it goes on from there, but i dont want to cause anymore uprises from posting such a controversial conversation, and i am deeply sympathetic to those it has already made an impression on, but i dont want this to forfeiture what we already have :/

<3 always n after

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what happened?, 01-01-04 6:22am

I feel the same way as Sami, Hailey, although, when she said that you & me weren't as close as you & her, I disagree totally. You & me were getting so close to each other, between all our inside jokes & the good ol' times. You have changed alot & I'm not so sure it's in a good way; you're hanging out w/ particular ppl that you barley even used to say a pure "hello" to. I'm just sick of all this b/s & it's really getting to me. I am hurt as much as Sami is; if not, worse. No matter what she says, or anyone for that matter, I do believe we HAD a strong friendship. I always wonder everyday what happened to the Hailey I used to know. You have now turned into some stranger who frequently keeps calling me a "pansy" & makes fun of me & talks behind my back & it's hurtful. I never thought I would lose a friend like you, ever. I mean your behavior's changed, your attitude's changed, the music you listen to has changed, you've changed; it's like I don't even know who you are anymore. You & me used to do a whole lot together but now you always hang out w/ a particular someone. I just feel like I've been replaced by someone else. Well, leaving w/ a thought to ponder on, I am off...

Your old friend,
Maria (I put my name this time just to make you happy...)

(reply to this)


Re: what happened?, 01-01-04 6:02pm

why did this come up all of a sudden? i was never all that close to you and im really not quite sure why all this is occuring...

yes, i have realized that i have changed and that we have drifted apart over time, but im not regreting anything that has occured, you made mention of a certain someone that i have become much closer to, and frankly, i am overjoyed that i have that person in my life, i guess in this thing entitled life that people move on to better things, and me changing has been for the better, im not insinuating that i want you out of my life, but in essence i dont want all the drama that you cuase, i dont see why i should have to choose between two people, dont put me in the middle of this maria, i like where i am right now and dont intend to change anything back to the way as you knew it

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