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| lowbacca1977 (profile) wrote, on 3-2-2004 at 1:02am | |
| Current mood: tired Music: Haddaway- What is Love Subject: The most important thing you can learn is just to love and be loved in return |
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| well......today was one of thsoe days that was very mondayish, even for an already well established monday. it represents a month of general not cool status in my life, so thats always fun. traffic was light, so that was good, but had a chem test, so that wasn't so good. overall fairly easy, but still distinctly ungood. couple other classes, then tried out for wheel of fortune. i was one of the people called up for the second round. all the other rounds took a while to get their words........you know, everyone had a chance for maybe, 3 letters or so. except for my round. the fourth guy out of five people guessed it before it went around once. i mean.....other rounds were like "dude ranch dressing" and took a while....but no, i get stuck with "baby shower" i guessed the s, the guy before me the h, the guy after, the r, and the fourth guy the b. which made it easy. that and i'm not really the tv look, so i doubt i'll get on. but hey, i tried. it rained a lot, that was a bummer too. made driving fun, esp when i almost crashed on boquet. darn jeep and its ability to hydroplane. at least business seems to be picking up....its looking like i've gotten one old tutoree from last semister back, and i've got a call about someone else thats interested, so this'll get me up to......8 or 9 hours a week, so thats almost 200 a week i'll be making. hours kill me still with school, but its more money, and thats always helpful. or at least, could always be helpful in the future if i'm lucky. today did get me thinking though in all my time out driving. i've still been trying to fully comprehend a lot of what happened between sam and i. like, just, the other things that could have been playing a part in it. its been feeling, for one thing, like she doesn't want to acknowledge taht i still have feelings for her, very strong feelings for her. thats just been confusing since, i mean, she knows how strongly i felt, and that i can't just then suddenly let go of all that, but its sort of whats been expected. i mean, i suppose i could speculate a bunch on if thats good or bad or what, but thats not going to get me anywhere. the other thing is, i was thinking about how much i had been ready to do, and i was realising.......i had in essence told her that i was ready to give up all my friends to be with her. well, not give up give up......but that i'd leave a group of people i've called my friends to travel 7500 miles across the pacific, where the people i've met can be counted on one, maybe two hands, just so that i could be with her. that got me thinking about what has been going on with her the last few weeks or months.....shes been developing more friends there, and wanting to do things with them. and i mean, in that sense, i can't begin to describe how happy i am about that part, that shes getting out more, in general, and she feels she belongs somewhere, finally. but then, i realised how the nature of our relationship came into play. it really had been a daily thing. not that i think either of us directly needed it to be, just that we were both always online a lot prior. then she started wanting to go places, do things, and it was a postive thing for her, after all her time not feeling comfortable with anything like that. i think she felt, at that point, that our relationship required her to be online daily....when it was never something i would've required of her, and i think i would've liked a restructuring of it as well, really. more phones but spaced out, or something of that nature. so then, i think i inadvertantly began to put her in a situation that i never dreamed that she'd be in, that she was stuck with either doing what she felt our relationship required, which was just be online all the time, or she could do offline things with her friends there. its like, she ended up in a position having to choose between friends there, and me not there, and she chose the option that meant more direct interaction with people. a healthier option, at the minimum for time being, and definitly a new direction for her, but its mroe that its a decision that i really hadn't realised had begun to come up for her. anyways....more of my attempted analyses will be showing up over coming days. my weight is gettign to me now, i'm below 170, the lightest i've been in years.....i know i've lost bulk just since at this point nothing i own fits anymore, but yet, i still feel as fat as i always have, just as visually unappealing as i always have, just i don't feel different. i don't feel like i weigh less. if anything, i nearly feel fatter. its a strange way to feel. and now for something completely different.... today is the primaries for california, and i feel it is my duty to remind those voters that read this....like two people......about the propositions. remember, 55-no 56-no 57-yes 58-yes. go out there and make me proud. and finally, i've chosen to announce that i will be establishing a web page over the coming week or so. much of my poetry, some of my photography will be included, and i've decided to open the floor to suggestions at other things to incorporate. so post away, people! |
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ShortKid87 | 03-02-04 3:06pm hey there,
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hitokirivader | 03-02-04 11:42pm damn, i wish i'd tried out for the WOF thing at csun. oh well. might have been funny seeing you on tv. :)
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hitokirivader | Haddaway - What Is Love?, 03-02-04 11:45pm Oh, I don't know why you're not there
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