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lowbacca1977 (profile) wrote, on 3-6-2004 at 2:41am | |
Music: all out of love- air supply (still) Subject: Seasons change, winter to spring. I love you. Until the end of time |
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journal postin time. why? because its something to do, and my old 2:30 am habits are gone, so now its this. well, yesterday i was back to being sick again after a good....half a week of mostly health even though i stopped eating. so i didn't go to class, stayed home and rested. then went out with bryan for lunch...talked a while there. then worked, and of course this marked the end of one of my best working weeks in a while, over 200 into the bank. granted, gas and certain private expenditures ate into that, but still, its good to be gaining money again since january. then more hanging out with kristal after working......lot of talking i've been doing, everyone seems to have a different take on it. least, i've taken it all in to reach my own. then today.....sick again, so i left school early and skipped calc. watched the omen with tom this afternoon....and that movie ruled. i mean, never seen deaths like that just be so....so cool. i mean, tragic and horrible and in no way awesome. and the music is just amazing. its really a must see. then we had the great gathering to watch hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.....at my house, yet i ended up picking up two people of 4. i really am beginning to wonder how it always takes so long for kristal to be ready.....(This portion has been edited out due to the ease of being misunderstood greatly, and no possible interpretations were intended, nor would they be accurate) so then got chris, danowitz and bryan got to my house on their own.....and then we watched the hitchhikers guide. that is just amazingly great. totally different sort of thing from omen, and a good....3 1/2 hours long or something, but still totally awesome. i was glad i kept myself busy like that, more or less. means i don't have as much time where i'm concentrating on that feeling like my heart has shattered. now, thats not entirly an emotional thing. i've also noted theres been a chest pain issue......so thats a fun thing to add to the mix. but yeah, i mean, its the sort of hurt that....its not like its healing per se....its more just, i'm getting used to it hurting, just like the rest of me has been, feet and back and knees, stuff like that that hurt but i've just gotten used to having them be hurting. the biggest problem though is just, i can't see any reason to keep going with, well, life. its pretty unrelated to the emotion stuff too.....its just, i don't know where it is i'm going with my life or why, and just the stress of trying to have classes and work is wearing me down a great deal. its just so much fatigue, its hard to keep going. its like 11th or 12th grade all over again, where i'm trying to balance school and work, but this time, i'm having just so many more problems with finding the motivation to keep going. i can put myself through immense amounts of pain and stress, but only when i know why its worth doing so. i mean, i went through a surgery that was very intense afterwards because i knew what would come of it. its just, i look at where my life is now, and i don't see much coming of it, so it just doesn't seem like its worth bothering. the hours are killing me, and i just don't see why the whole going to college thing is worth it anymore. |
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hitokirivader | 03-07-04 6:43am "My colleague here is rapidly running out of limbs..."
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