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saywhat? (profile) wrote,
on 3-19-2004 at 1:20am
Current mood: reflective
Music: ataris~in this diary
Subject: i forgot about this CD
Im really in the modd to write tonight which will probably end up being a mistake. I used to write every night, of course it was normally about how mean i thought my freinds were who which boy i was in "love" with at the moment...but still just to get out y thoughts every day was so nice. I guess i just stopped when i thought i would only feel one thing for the rest of my life: pain.

Im not gonna say that things are better. They're just different. I dont cry every day anymore, I can normally get so sleep about 75% of the nights out of the week without replaying "that night" in my mind. But theres always those times when i think of something or like yesterdayt when I saw an ad in the paper advertising Peeps for easter. I remember telling him a story about my trip to flordia where this was this game where you put as many peeps in your mouth and then you had to say Peep Peep....and i told him about this Huge gangsta kid that was doing it and i just remembered exaclty house he reacted and for years after that we'd still joke about the fat gangsta "peep peeing"...i mean i know that there will always be things like that that catch my attention. but they necessairly make me smile..not yet at least.

and then theres always times where....its not like i forget that it happened....but its LIKE that...its just something like WOW...hes gone...i cant belive it..its weird that i think about it and bring back the EXACT feelings i had when it happened in the same intensity...Im not going to say that im turning my back on my faith because of this..i just dont know how to approach something that used to bring me joy which i know can never bring me the same kind of niave joy as it did before.

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE ALL OF A SUDDEN BECOME "RELIGIOUS WHEN SOMEONE DIES?
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