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| AnnaLeBelle (profile) wrote, on 4-7-2004 at 5:46pm | |
| Current mood: crushed Subject: I still hate her with unrivaled passion. |
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| It is so terribly frustrating, I don't know where I am anymore. I hadn't really thought of Kristin for a few monthes or Morgan either, for that matter. I only worried about the few people whom I'm really attatched to. Nick Joe (both of them) Jocelyn Kelsea Kalyanee Tabitha The list used to be a whole lot longer than that, but since Kristin abandoned me, it was thown into an inferno and I ran after it, scadling myself to retrieve the charred remains. Everyone says how I have so many friends, but these are the only ones whom I care deep enough to even consider about. I can find flaws about people, sure. And people whom I call friends aren't always exactly my friends. I've wrote in here several times about how my life sucks, but I could never compel to you my true hatred or agony. I could type until my fingers blistered and bled, but you wouldn't understand unless you were me. There is no one I can talk to but myself who really knows how I feel, and do I really expect an answer? I love Nick so much. With every string of my heart and I wished I lived near him so I could take away all of that suffering. We were a match made in heaven, seriously. He is all I talk about.. or used to. People became annoyed with me talking about him so much so I was quiet. And the light inside of my blackened heart was bright, and never faultered for him. And I cry alot worrying about him. About us. I'm afraid that he will do something stupid to hurt himself or get himself in serious trouble. And that, I couldn't bear. He's put up with me and my cutting, suicidal attempts. My constant moaning and bitching. But I always accepted his adivce. I know he'd never accept mine, because I'm too young and too naive. He's such a strong person, to have put up with his parents for everyday of his life. I absolutely adore him for that. And these words: BobtheDuffMan: I promise I wont do anything stupid BobtheDuffMan: I love you too much to die Make me feel so much at peace, the storm raging inside of me for the past few days has been settled and now the waves barely lick at the sides of the boat, but at the same time, that storm could flare up again any moment at the Furies beckon. And Jocelyn, the sweetest person I know. I look up to her. Not only because she is my big sister, but she has the coping skills of a Goddess. She's like clay, molding to anything she is given. Sort of like Gumbie (^.^). She's gotten along better than I ever would have if my parents blocked me completely off from the world. In spite, I would kill myself and become something restless. I would haunt them all, still believing myself to be alive. I know she isn't the tender, happy person we all take her for. There is more to her than that. But, she never lets things get her down and she always looks ahead with a smile on her face, knowing everything will be okay. I was reading her online journal and she mentioned talking to Kristin. Kristin.. I hate her. I cannot describe to you, dear readers, how her name makes my blood boil. It's like in those cartoons where the character gets red and the top of his head blows off, releasing steam. Except my hatred is rooted in anger and sorrow. And I have a million questions that yet to go answered. Why did she do it to me? Was she not my friend? How cold and thick could she have been to actually do something so cold and heartless? but she's perfect that way. She could hate you and you would never know it. She hides it so perfectly behind that face of hers. And then that question still haunts me, why? I saw it in her face the first day I met her. That cold, penetrating stare. I knew, perhaps, I should not be her friend but I wanted to be accepted, to 'fit in' I suppose. She had a fake facade and I could see right through it, but why didn't I stop myself? I'm selfish. I wanted her as my friend and I wouldn't take no as an answer. Maybe she thought it was funny, and that hurts most of all. How could you laugh at someone who looked up to you, loved you, would give anything in the world for you and act like it bothered you none? It's simple, she's herself, I suppose. And Morgan, oh, how I would love to wrap my hands around her perfect throat and squeeze until he begged for mercy. But I would do no such thing, mercy is for those with humans with hearts, with emotions. I'd like to see the blood trickle from his perfect lips, his beautiful auburn eyes roll back into his head. And I should like then to throw him aside and make Kristin feel the pain to which I was forced to endure. You all think me insane, but what I say is only truth. I would like very much to kill him with my own hands. The hands that can no longer feel. The way they touch. The way they talk. The way they look at one another, it's sickening. And when little old Morgan moves away, I shall think Kristin should be sad and that Morgan might have a little 'accident'. I leave you all now with this thought that many will argue with me about. For years man has given meaning to things and objects. The planets, space, the ocean, animals. But why do they give meaning to other things. What is the point, when we, ourselves have no meaning at all? Yours Sincerely, Little Dark Child My mood of yesterday has came and went like the tide upon the shore. And I fear upon it's beaches I shall never again see an abalone beauty waiting in the sand. |
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| Anonymous | 04-08-04 6:45pm Indeed, i can say I feel the same about many people in my life. How we would love to kill them off like flies but we cannot. You, my friend, like me, are a lost soul. Cling to those who love you. They are all you have. |