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| spinoangel (profile) wrote, on 5-6-2004 at 7:46pm | |
| Current mood: down Music: ben jelen - "setting of the sun" |
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| i don't know what is wrong with me. i feel like such a wimp. like i'm so weak. and i can't ... idk. i'm like sick of myself a lot. i feel like none of my work is paying off lately. what is bothering me? three things i can mention... losing my beloved internship. all these teachers congratulating me. having to tell them all that i'm not taking it. a billion people offering to drive me, to find a way for me to get there, and i just had to decline. and it's done for now. but i'm still reminded of how much i wanted to do it. and instead i'll be going back to hell for a semester in summer. hopefully, the company there will make me happy. feeling incompetent. govt is making me so stressed and so worried. and precal intimidates me a bit too. i feel like the more i study for govt, the more confused i get. however this weekend, i am truly devoting time to studying. either it'll help tremendously or do absolutely nothing. i'll be home all alone, while my family is having fun in orlando. yep. christina grounded herself. when i can't understand things, i get really upset. my dwindling self-confidence. regardless of how much i know everyone loves me and regardless of the fact that i know i try the best i can, my self-image is just cracking and falling apart. like shards of a mirror, it seems impossible to put back together in order to make the right reflection. i wake up in the morning, trying to get ready. nothing looks good on me anymore. nothing i try on in the mall looks good on me. my own therapy makes me feel like shit now. =*( ... it's really hard to keep lookign at myself. cuz i hate what i see. and i feel like there's nothing i can do about it. i cant go all anorexic. i dont have time or motivation to exercise. maybe this summer i'll learn to love myself again. or maybe it's all just in my head. and i'm just having a mood swing. fucking chemical imbalances. and then there's other things i dont care to mention. |
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karit_top | 05-07-04 4:20pm but i love what i see... |
sameen | 05-07-04 10:27pm i think it's ironic how you don't see what everyone else sees, well all love you. |
| Anonymous | 05-09-04 1:40pm you know what i think? i think you need to just hang out and lighten up. you're always looking as if you're going to die a lonely lonely person. all that you write brings people down. im sure your friends want to be there for you but im also thinking that they're getting tired of reading how depressed and emotional you are. be happy if not for your sake then for the sake of your close ones. stop being all mopy like cos then you'll never realize how much better YOU can make life to be. its all You who makes life down it's almost like you're trying to be all depressed for whatever reason. get over it. people have got it much worse. |
spinoangel | Re:, 05-10-04 8:44pm i appreciate your thoughts. you dont have to read my journal if it gets ya down. i try not to get my friends down. and maybe subconsciously, i do like being pessimistic and mopey... but its not something i have learned to control. |
| karit_top | Re:, 05-10-04 8:50pm granted this is just a thought of yours, but a thought that is, and an answer shall be answered to clear that thought. ok lets begin. she is not always down, she has her perks like all people. and besides, she has friends that apparently you dont. besides, what if she wants to be mopey? besides, there are some things in life that people dont all understand, emotions is something you dont understand. yes it is true people have it worse, but they complain, or in a better way of putting it, tell the story, just as much. well i bid you adu. |
Anonymous | Re: Re:, 05-11-04 4:44pm cool it. i was just telling her what i thought. and i thanks for telling me that i dont have any friends. you're a true kind fellow. i understand about emotions. im just saying she should include the good things in her life in her journal also. i dont doubt that she has her good side. and i never said she never had friends. did you not read what i wrote?!? by close ones or what not i meant her friends. at some people try and do something. im also implying that christina (if she doesnt already) should take up something (besides art) to make her happy. join or sport or learn an instrument or i dunno. just think when she gets a car she'll be able to be happy. i know you're defending her. from what? i have no idea. but yeah thanks for the whole no friends. obviously you were never a friend of mine. |
| karit_top | Re: Re: Re:, 05-11-04 5:37pm kind sir, i would suppose thats what i should call you, i am sry. |
Anonymous | Re: Re: Re: Re:, 05-11-04 6:38pm wrong gender. its ok |
pinkyfers | 05-11-04 9:20pm tina!!! you're just stressed because of APs just like the rest of us. you're not imcompetent and you're fucking hot. dont get yourself down all the time. i promise...when i get my cd burning rights back...im gonna make you one awesome mix filled with HAPPY songs....i'm sure you'll enjoy it....
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