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|emo414 (profile) wrote, |
on 5-22-2004 at 11:35am
|Current mood: crazy
Music: i can only imagine - aquire the fire
|"I can only imagine what my eyes would see when your face is before me. i can only imagine. surrounded by your glory what would my heart feel....."
that is the most amazing song. i havent talked about my grandpas funeral in my journal at all or even his death. my mom's best friend, DJ, sang that song "i can only imagin" at the beginning of the funeral to start things off. it was amazing she has such a great voice and did a great job and it brought almost the whole place to tears it was crazy. my grandpa died april 30 and his funeral was may 5. his lungs filled up with water in the end and thats what cause his final death but really he had suffered for 11 months of cancer treatment. its definately not the way that i want to leave this world and its not the way i want to leave my friends and family. the day before he passed my mom was with him because my grandma was envited to a tea (its a british thing lol) but my grandpa insisted on getting out of the hospital bed that had been brought to their house, which he hadnt gotten out of in about two weeks, and he asked my mom to walk him over to the glass door that looks out onto their back patio and he stood there for about thirty minutes just looking out. looking at the plants that he had planted and looking up at the sky ino the heavens and it was almost like a sign that he was leaving very soon and in fact passed away a little more than 24 hours later. the funeral was the hardest trhing i think i have ever done in my life. when we arrived there we walked into the main room and there was this big board set up with tons of pictures of him with family and friends and i was looking around and there was a picture of me and him sitting together with big smiles and looking so happy just to be with eachother because we would only see eachother about once a year at most. right when i saw that picture i lost composure and started to cry i felt stupid though because no one else was brought to tears just looking at the pictures but i guess some things affect others differently. but then there was a little seperate room with the coffin surrounded by flowers it was beautiful. but then there was the open casket with him lying there so still and so cold i was petrified. that was the first time i had ever attended a funeral that i was very close to the person and to see him lying there not moving was horrible. my aunts and grandma were all standing in the smaller room with the coffin and i gave all them a hug and they all started crying again when i hugged them and it made me cry and it was just bad. then after an hour of all our close family arriving, friends started to arrive. once the friends arrived they closed the casket because most people wouldnt want to remember someone with how they looked dead but when they were alive and healthy. there was a lot of supportive people there for me and the rest of my family, even though i didnt know hardly any of them. once the funeral seremony was done we drove to the gravesite, and i must say it is one of the most beatuiful grave yards i have ever seen. there are huge trees and beautiful headstones and it is a wonderful place for ones body to lie. once the pastor had said a few words at the gravesite he gave all of us roses that were part of this large flower thing that sat on top of the casket made of just greenery and a ton of these roses. then we all walked by the casket said our last goodbyes and then it was all over. but then again it isnt all over because for the rest of my life and the rest of my moms and aunts and my brothers and my cousins and my grandmas life he wont be here. i still havent really grasped the fact that i will never see him again because there is something inside of me telling me i will. i pray that i do though because i love him so much its amazing. he was the best granpa i could have ever asked for and may he rest in peace. bye fore now.
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from friend, 05-23-04 3:17pm
wow, that is so sad..i know youve told me it all b4..but just reading it over made me really depressed...deaths scare me so badkly now..and it just seems liek everyone is leaving...maybe were just getting older and realizing it more..i remember when i used to play "little pple" with these dolls i had and id always make then die and coem back to life..i think i was about 8 or so..and i remember driving past a funeral parlor and thinking..my little pple come to life...but real pple cant come back. thats the very first time death was intrroduce to me..and ferom there it becomes less and less realisitc. i love yous weetie and youve stayed extrememly strong with all this....always here for you as you know. love oyu dearly