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| Aaron (profile) wrote, on 6-15-2004 at 2:10am | |
| Current mood: I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I foc Music: something on my uncles sterio...some rockn' roll version of an old sad song. Subject: The wedding |
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| So familiar and overwhelmingly warm This one, this form I hold now. Embracing you, this reality here, This one, this form I hold now, so Wide eyed and hopeful. Wide eyed and hopefully wild. We barely remember what came before this precious moment, Choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside... This body holding me, reminding me that I am not alone in This body makes me feel eternal. All this pain is an illusion. I went to shane and stephanies wedding. I cried through the whole thing. people looked at me funny. not because I was crying, but because of the face I had on...one of pure pain, not the joy you would expect to see at a wedding. The weight that had been accumulating all these past months finally fell on me. the weight of all that had been lost rested one my shoulders. and I wept. I wept for her. for all she had lost. but mostly I wept because I know no one will love her like i did, like i do, like i always will... For all she had lost... We practiced loading and firing yesterday. I saw him, down by a tree. he was obviously wounded from the last time we fired. I kept loading. when my gun was loaded and primed, I waited for Jim's command. Ready! I go to full cock aim! I see him at the end of my barrel FIRE!!! The smoke blinded me, the kick caused me to look away. When I finally turned my head and looked again he had a gaping crimson void in his sternum. but every time I'd look away he'd go back to a state of immpecable health, all except a wound in his leg. and everytime we fired I saw him, aimed for him, and with a deep firey loathing, pulled the trigger. Schools... Well, The oaks is out. Saint michaels is out. NW christian is out. Gonzaga Prep is out. But I have to take care of Valley christian and Ferris and cornerstone. GODDAMMIT! I BELONG WITH MY FRIENDS NOT AT SOME PANZY ASS CHRISTIAN PRIVATE SCHOOL!!! AGHHHHHHHHHH!!! |
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shalee | 06-15-04 2:48am Trust me... I know.. And sometimes I regret it.
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| Aaron | Re:, 06-15-04 12:30pm only if you want it to be. |
chocolatemilk | 06-17-04 4:19pm Zach Lipton is such an ass i cant believe it. I got straight A's..and he called me dumb.
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lilkristen | 07-02-04 3:24pm hopefully u can take advice from someone who doesnt know you... i found ur journal when i hit 'random'... if this chick cant appreciate how much u love her then why the hell are you killing yourself over her? you need someone who knows how to appreciate what you do for them... not a person who makes u fall in love with them, only to leave you hanging nd go off with some other guy... try nd realize that she isnt the kind of girl you want... no matter how perfect she seems... i dunno how much im helping if im helping at all but i hope shit works out for you... leave a comment w/me in my journal nd tell me how stuff goes... later |
| Aaron | Re:, 07-23-04 7:43am thanks for your input...i don't mean to be rude but i don't think you understand my predicament. I can't not love her...it's...impossible. maybe i just don't want to let go...maybe i just can't. it makes no difference. I'll never find somone who will fill the whole in me... never. |
| independenttruckergrl | Re: Re:, 07-24-04 4:35pm I told you you give up easily!
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