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|melikepeas (profile) wrote, |
on 6-27-2004 at 3:21pm
|Current mood: *sigh*
Music: The Simpsons
Subject: My big fat crap weekend
|This weekend was utterly shite. Damian was pissed by the time i got there which is always fun. I know its his decision if he wants to get rat arsed and he was celebrating getting a job etc etc but i really wish he wouldnt celebrate and get drunk when im there. He threatned to knock hollys teeth out because she called him daft and im banned from going in the purple room anymore because he doesnt like it and he was just a cunt to everyone all night. I would have been more than happy to just stay at his and be there for him to snuggle when he got home. Its just i really didnt want to go out, i knew i wouldnt enjoy it and i didnt.
Saturday wasnt any better, he was hung over and poorly so we didnt go shopping like he promised now im gonna have to wait till the saturday before i go away which isnt much time really.
Mid you, its only some times hes like that now as apposed to everyweek end and some week days so i shouldnt winge really.
Sunday was ok, woke up in a dead good mood and stuffs. Only thing that really wasnt goiod today was damians reaction to me having a livejournal.
I understand that i shouldnt have said that i didnt have one and stuff i get that. What i dont get is why the live journal its self is such a huge issue, its a journal. There was nothing earth shattering written in there i think the only thing he didnt know was that i ran away when i saw mike when i was shopping the other day and thats hardly life changing or deep and meaningfull. In fact doesnt effect either of us in anyway (appart from i had to wait 5 mins outside untill he went away). I wonder if he would have reacted similarly if it was an ordinary diary thing (ie a none-online one).
He said it makes him wonder if i even care. I dont undertand where that came from. I dont know what I can do to show him how much he means to me, i wish i did cause he obviously doesnt know now.
It brings up the whole privacy issue again, in there there isnt any. Well privacy isnt the word im looking for, maybe its individuality. Im not asking for something huge that he isnt allowed to know about or ever see or be part of. I just need something little, i thought maybe a diary would suffice but it didnt. I think i need something special to me thats just mine. Am i just being stupid and selfish? no its an actual question that i need an answer to.
*sigh* but anyway im deleting the journal, peace of mind (??) for Damian and i wasnt really getting anything out of it anyway so its no great loss really.
Damian also brought up the issue of me and going away to uni and what it would do to us. Because of his job commitments now he wont move with me any more and he was worried about it. Ive told him not to worry, i wont go if it means no me and him. Im looking at other unis now, so far only teeside uni does anything close to what im thinking of but ive always told myself that i will not go to a shite university. Ill do some more research. I hope, i really fucking hope i dont have to go to teesside, but im going to do everything i can to keep us together (forever and ever amen). Hes stuck with me now (the unlucky mofo).
I just hope that I can still get the career and what i want out of life at the end.
What i want the most out of life
1- A family with damian (married of course)
2- A job that I enjoy (good pay is essential)
3- A good house in a nice area (since I hate teeside pref out of it but that depends on Damian). I have a picture of a perfect house in my head. The one with the sloping driveway.
4- A kitten or puppy
In that order. Im going to get all of that no matter what it takes.
The most dificult one maybe the kitten or puppy, im sure i can convinse damian though.
Other stuf i want is stuff like second homes abroad and a bmw z4, but i can live without that im sure.
I cant wait unill i have all that and can settle down, which im not sure damian understands yet. In myself i am ready to 'settle down' but i know untill i have number 2 or the resorces to get there i shouldnt because i wouldnt be happy, id feel like id have let myself down. But is that selfish aswell? Maybe if i have that job that'll be good for damian too, i can give him everything he wants (the kids too heh).
Right ive ranted long enough, im going in the bath. College in the morning.
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its not an issue of you having the journal just that i didnt know about it and that most of it was slagging me off. Im sorry if you dont feel the same but I need to know everything, like i said to you know secrets whatsoever you have your little thing with your friends and i know you need that but it doesn't stop me from needing to know.