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highlyevolved (profile) wrote,
on 8-23-2004 at 8:15pm
Current mood: complacent
Music: the vandals :: oi to the world
Subject: so preoccupied with rebellion
At fifteen having sex was a mortal sin, at sixteen it's no big deal. I'm still confused why morals go out the window at 16. Maybe it's all the emissions from cars? It's shocking to see how the statistics add up, at fifteen probably about 90% of all people I knew are what I consider virgins, excluding those who've been rapped :\. Now it's probably in the 50% range. What the heck happened? I guareentee it has something to do with the number sixteen. I think it's associated with having the right to rebel, perhaps? Or suddenly feeling more in control because in some senses at sixteen you are an adult. Whatever it is, it hasn't affected me. Another place where I don't fit into this puzzle called highschool.

School was a killer today. I didn't understand most of it. Not comprehending stuff makes me want to cry...it's hard not being the best in my classes for once. It's a big hit on my self-confidence since so much of it comes from how I achieve in school. School is the only place I really get validation. Probably not the best thing ever. At least I can say I tried.

I'm still doubting myself, but I was also doing that a year ago.

second week
Quite sorry I don't write as often as I should...schools taking up so much time. I'm not really unhappy...it's just school begins on bad notes. I'm planning out my final two years now...I think I'm going to take Psychology and Art so I can have the option of either going to Emory ( which would be TOTALLY freaking awesome ) or the Institute at Chicago...or one of the numerous Art School in NYC. It's really scary to think that in less than 4 months I'm going to be sixteen. SIXTEEN! I never even thought I'd make it to twelve, let alone sixteen. I really don't want to grow up...I'm such a lazy bum. A lot of kids are intrested in becoming things that make a lot of money...I'm not really intrested in that. If you have a lot of money, you're only going to be defined by what you own ( which in reality owns you). I always thought being a missonary would be dreamy to do, but all this terrorism makes it really hard to do nice stuff like that. Terrorists ruined a lot of stuff, more than just lives. They killed future careers. Well, the VMAs and a long weekend is this week, so I have a lot to look forward to. Once school gets rolling down the hill twoards Thanksgiving and the first semester is over, it'll be nice hopefully. I can do this, I did it last year and I had no clue what the heck I was doing half the time. I'm a good student...why the heck do I worry? I have God and a good mind. But, alas I am insecure...which will probably be my undoing. Later days
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