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xpiratepunkx (profile) wrote,
on 8-27-2004 at 6:47pm
Current mood: envious
Music: Matchbook Romance - Tiger Lily
Subject: I don't wanna make things any worse
You would think that because I haven't seen Scott, it would make me think of him less. But it doesn't.

Good God. Even the little things remind me of him. Scott Napkins.

If I could only turn back the hands of time and never have told him the things I said. Maybe things would be different. Maybe I'd be talking to him. Is that too much to ask for? Just one hello? Anything that says, hey it's cool. We can still be friends.

I wasn't head over heels for him then, but now he is like a stain in my brain. (Not written intentionally to rhyme.)

Yeah, maybe what he did wasn't right. He shouldn't have said those things to me. Maybe there was a nicer way that he could have said it. It probably does make him a dick for doing that. It's like I was used. But then again, I sort of knew what I was getting into, and I sort of didn't.

Friends with benefits. I'd do it all over again, now that I know what not to do.

I should hate him but I can't replace him in my heart.

It's like I have his screen name now. Thanks to Christina. But I don't have the nerve to go ahead and IM him. For many a reason.

1. He'll ask how I have his screen name. (Stalk much?)
2. It's been so long since we've talked. What on earth would we talk about??
3. Just the fear that I'll be immediately blocked once I get a hey in there.

There has to be some easier way. I want everything to be how it was in late March/early April. It just isn't fair.

Scott was the best. You know, before he went psycho. Incredibly Sweet. Nice. Smart. Adorably cute...hot. Haha. Would you have me committed if I said he was perfect?

What girl wouldn't resist him? He can have whatever he wants. If by chance he has decided to want to have a deeper relationship with a girl, and has found her, then I envy her with everything that I am.

I'm lovesick now.
Post A Comment
Anonymous

08-28-04 6:31pm

I dunno what to tell you...:(
That sucks that u cant get over him. you need closure bad. dont IM him though...that would just be weird i think. a simple gesture in the hallway is better. We should play it so hes in front of a friend of yours and you wave to see what he does and then ur friend could yell "hey jen!" and he would think you were waving at her. It's complicated.

(reply to this)

xpiratepunkx

Re:, 08-28-04 6:41pm

I don't want closure. I don't want to end it. I need him so bad.

I need a plan like whoa. Or maybe I could just wave to him anyway and then run like Forrest.

I don't know. I NEED NAPKINS!!


(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re:, 08-30-04 2:08pm

DO SOMETHING!
p.s.-did it bother u when i mentioned him today? that came out of my mouth before i thought about what i was saying. sorry.

(reply to comment)

xpiratepunkx

Re: Re: Re:, 08-31-04 5:25am

I'm trying to do something. I'm trying to think of a subtle way.

It's alright. You sure did spot him though. Must be some Scott radar. Don't worry, it didn't bother me too much. I hadn't seen him in a while. I think the last time I saw him was when he was wearing that very same shirt. Ha.

It doesn't make me angry or anything like that when I see him......

Think think think

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Re:, 08-31-04 2:12pm

think think think?

(reply to comment)

xpiratepunkx

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 08-31-04 9:05pm

i must think of a plan. a good one. it can either make or break me. :/

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 09-01-04 1:52pm

oh, yeah it may make or break you but at least youll know what he thinks.

(reply to comment)

xpiratepunkx

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 09-01-04 5:29pm

yes yes. you know after all of this (my emo phase that just won't seem to end) it's weird cause that's what he wanted. crazy how these things work out.

but anyway, yes i need to do something about this. i just can't let is linger on. i don't want to think about a highschool boy when i'm in college, you know what i mean? but that's if i find a guy by then. but my mind works in weird ways and it's telling me that scott is the one.

i sound demented.

but boys make you do and feel silly things.......

(reply to comment)

Anonymous

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 09-02-04 7:27pm

"it's weird cause that's what he wanted"--what?
boys do make you do and feel silly things...

(reply to comment)

xpiratepunkx

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 09-02-04 8:35pm

he wanted me to be emo. but i guess i was just TOO emo for him when i was talking to him.

i swear, if scott only knew he has me wrapped around his finger.

(reply to comment)