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|holdme (profile) wrote, |
on 9-25-2004 at 9:05pm
|Subject: Talk about emotionally shattering...
|She wants me to make her happy... or be happy that she is... When she never made the effort to make me happy...
This week has been one of the worst. I got abused by my father.... I passed a kidney stone.... and my friend wants me to be happy for her when I can't even handle my own things... She calling me a princess? That she can't have any fun without worrying about how it affects me?! I'M FUCKING DYING OVER HERE AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT! She doesn't stop by to see what's going on... not to see how everything happened. She doesn't even call... She stands from affar and wonders why I'm not at school, and then reads my journal, and doesn't even comment.
Nathan won't bring it up. Allan asks why I'm to hate myself. Patrick offers help, and then leaves. Anna doesn't know. Amelia doesn't care. I've been killing myself and killing myself and people around me aren't speaking up... they aren't seeing how hurt I am... they aren't offering support... They just like to say how horrible it is, and wonder if I'm okay.
Fuck them. Fuck all of them.
Not to mention my boyfriend... Yeah, he called 2 minutes after school got out, yeah he came to visit me for 5 minutes... but that doesn't change the fact that he spent the weekend DDRing it up with his buddies and not worrying about how his girlfriend for nearly a year is doing... WITH A KIDNEY STONE. I doubt he even told anyone, not even his parents that I was abused... and even when I came to him, FIRST.
Crying just takes away what little energy I have left. So just fuck it... But I can't stop.
All I want to know is that someone actually stays with me... and should understand why I am angry... I just want you to understand.
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Wow... Well... You're dying, hm? A kidney stone is dying with a thumb print bruise? Or is there more that you aren't telling me? Like gashes on your wrists or deep purple bruises that look like bats?
Re:, 09-26-04 1:20pm
So you want to know but you don't ask? It's you who I don't understand...
Re:, 09-26-04 1:21pm
And just because I'm not really dying doesn't mean it doesn't feel like I am.