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|emo414 (profile) wrote, |
on 10-2-2004 at 1:05am
|Current mood: depressed and disappointed
Music: "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" - Brand New
Subject: nothing but LowErcaSeS and CaPiTALs
|"So keep the blood in your head
And keep your feet on the ground
If today's the day it gets tired
Today's the day we drop out
Gave up my body and bed
All for an empty hotel
Wasting words on lower cases and capitals
I contemplate the day we wed
Your friends are boring me to death
Your veil is ruined in the rain
By then it's you I can do without
There's nothing new to talk about
And though our kids are blessed
Their parents let them shoulder all the blame"
life. it is the one thing that everyone experiences that gives everyone battles, some dont exerience many harsh ones, then there are a few of us who have shit handed to us everyday. but no matter how bad it gets, no matter how much shit you go through, it is always up to you to make everything better for yourself. is it here, typing, because i love my best friend more than words can explain. he is one of the people that gets shit handed to him everyday, and he deals with it in ways that he thinks make it all go away, but in fact everything he does is magnifying the drama that is going on in his life every day. he goes to school, intoxicated, or gets that way during lunch, then goes home to a mom who he means the world to but he doesnt know that because all they talk about is his "habits" which shouldnt be habits at all because he actually does have dreams for his future. just last week he walked up to me and lindsey, he had a model of a wall that e built in a class, and he showed it to us and said that he wanted to become an arcitecht when he grows up. the moment he said that i was so proud of him i though this was going to be the moment he started "flying right" towards the future he deserves. tonight i was at the football game, he calls during the fourth quarter, sounding perfectly normal, fifteen minutes later his mom is pulling him through the stands, winding in and out of clusters of people, him stumbling behind her, so incoherent that he doesnt really know what is happening. i rush down the stairs and meet her at the bottom, she stops and basically collapses into my arms and starts to sob, but not because of a petty argument, but because she has accepted the fact that her son is throwing away his life as everyday goes by. but when she walked up it wasnt me who held my arms out, knowing she needed reassurance, but she walked up to me and needed support, and when i thought about it for a second i realized that she doesnt get that from anyone. no one in her house gives her love and support everyday, like this wonderful woman deserves. however, my friend sees her act of caring and love and worrying as being bitchy and not understanding, and ends up blowing things way out of proportion, and everyone thinks the exact same thing about it except for him. we all know she loves him to death and just wants to help her son out, the son that really does have a bright future if he would lay off all the things that he thinks are helping him, but in fact they are just bringing him down. i love him very much, as i said earlier in the entry, but he doesnt understand that so hopefully one day he will stumble across this entry, read it and be inspired, and if he does get inspired i want him to know that i will sacraface everything to help his life get better than it is right now, that i will do whatever it takes so he can become the guy he is meant to be, the wonderful person that he is deep down inside. tonight he said to me that he misses me and i said to him back " i miss you too, but not this you, the old you" and i think i am the only one who has enough courage to actually say something to him. so the point of this entry is to let him know i love him more than anything on this earth and i want him to know that, i just want him to know that there really is one thing in life worth going day to day and not using some type of drug or drinking some tyoe of alcohol, i just want to let him know friendship and love is the reason why he needs to go from day to day, as the person he is without all this shit he puts in his body. i love you, friend of mine.
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from friend, 10-04-04 8:03pm
thats so depressing...i dont no what else to say...its too sad :(
its sad how people throw away their lives for a temporary escape.
its mal, 10-07-04 9:20pm
i love you ryan. you're one of the most inspired people i know. i thank God that i have a friend like you in my life. you know when to be serious and you know when to make someone laugh. this friend you're talking is so lucky to also have you as a friend. i know that you care about everyone in your life so deeply and i want you to know that we all care that deeply for you. we all love you and we're here for you when the days grow long and when you don't know if you can stand on your own, we're there, i'm there to stand with you. things have been crazy for all of us latly. not much time has been spent together as a group and i can't explain in words how much that saddens me. i know everyone else feels it to. i don't want anyone to think that i shut them out or that i don't care about them. i do care and i would never shut you guys out. i miss all of you so dearly. i miss you ryan. i miss talking to my buddy. we must hang out asap. much love to you brotha.
its the friend, 10-10-04 12:25pm
aws, feel better, i wuvs you!!!