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|sushininja (profile) wrote, |
on 11-16-2004 at 12:11am
|Music: There you are - Flaming Lips
|I really wish I knew what you wanted...half the time I'm doing stuff that you want me to do...like pretending do sound happy on the phone...I'd think that you'd want to hear me happy rather than sad when you do talk to me...maybe you'd like to hear that I'm doing alright, through all of this, rather than being the wreck that I am...I don't know...it'd be a pretty poor excuse to say that I do this all for you, so I'm not going to venture there...a lot of the stuff, I know, is pure shit...and that's how it seems that I treat you, which is unfortunate, to say the least...I don't know why I do it, but I sure wish I wouldn't...I mean, I love you more than anything in the world, and here I am making you hang up on me and not answer my calls and even dread my phone calls, which were something you used to look forward to...how far have I fallen...A lot of this comes from my inability to figure out what I want...I'm not sure what I want in terms of you...I do know that I want to get back together with you, but that is rather unfortunate, because you do not see it happening...also, why would you want to be with me, with how I treat you and everything, and how all we can do is fight anymore...I keep telling myself I want to move on, and I even believe it, until I see you...it happens everytime...everytime I see you, it's like the first time...the first time I realized I'd fallen for you, and the first time I realized I'd never get up, because that is how it would be, that is how I want it to be...to be always falling for you...|
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I want honesty, not a facade. Please just give me that.