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|Sputnik (profile) wrote, |
on 12-13-2004 at 1:04pm
|Current mood: grumpy
Subject: Sorry I am the way I am- seriously
|I feel really crappy today. I felt really grouchy yesterday and then today I was okay... until people started talking to me. I don't know why I have these bad mood swings but people take it way to heart. You should be use to it by now. Especially since I've been like this forever.
I'm sick of the imature conversations that everyone still thinks are hilarious. Grow up. The lesbian thing is getting really old too. I mean, girls are better than guys- but throwing the jokes constantly and the unseriousness (is that a word?) that we try to convince others with- it's just retarded now. It bugs me. There.
I'm just really sick of everyone right now in their own little ways. It's not like it's a big deal- but that's just it. I'm sick of dealing.
I hate band (Mr. Robuck) want to quit- but will miss Hubert way to much. TV Pro is just boring right now- and people being late on their projects and not getting any penalties is pissing me off. English is full of irritating people that linger on jokes that were semi-funny like five minutes ago and the material is Greek to me it seems. Lunch is the monotinous conversations replayed over and over with the change up of rolls every once in a while and maybe a variety of people cramming together at one f-ing table. And then there is BMMT where Ellie can't hear a damn thing I say and I have to repeat EVERYTHING and so I get short and sarcastic with her- but she is so nice and I always feel bad- but hten the next day I do it again. And then Current issues is so boring because If I have enough time to write something like this that is so detailed in one class period then you know something is wrong. And then there is Physics where you have to hear Mr. J the coolest teacher fighting with Mitch or someone else about stupid things like popsicles and the like.
I'm just feed up with school. I just want to get everything over with. The repetitive pattern that plans my days are sometimes interupted with work, which is okay. And then there is David and I don't even want to start there. And friends. Kahhh... I am exhausted.
I hate siblings. Only children have no idea how lucky they are. No one spying- No one telling on you for things- no one interupting your shower time in the mornings- no one reading things they shouldn't- no one to lock things away from. My parents would never go through my things- so I'm not sure if they are making their own assumptions or is someone feeding them information they should never even have guessed?
You know what's weird is when Brianna calls home- I feel really bad when she doesn't want to talk to me and she just wants to say hey to Katie or Mom or Pa. I want to feel needed. I want to feel like people actually want to listen instead of just being polite. I want to not accept things anymore. I want to get my pet peves out into the open and have no one be offended by them. I want life to be simple.
I want to do what I want to do. I don't want to feel bad about what occupation I want to pursue. I want to be done with college stuff. I want to be done searching for the rest of my life for someone. I want to be done with everything.
There. I'm done.
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I want life to be simple also.
Re:, 12-13-04 2:44pm
yet- that's the beauty of it- it can never be.
I know...Im here, and i promise not to make any lesbian cracks., 12-14-04 8:31am
your right life is never going to be simple...or easy and there will always be something else that you want or need or arnt ready for...or way to eager for.
i don't know what to say. i empathize? a lot?