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|dmlxoxo (profile) wrote, |
on 12-23-2004 at 7:31pm
|Current mood: relaxed
Music: you cant stop the beat- hairspray sountrack
Subject: heres to self-rediscovery before the new year....or something like that.
|for the last few days ive been in one of those blast from the past moods. im not exactly sure what brought it on, maybe the stress and the anxiously awaiting vacation, but ive been very- reflective this past week. in one of my attempts to study for euro my mind wandered and i opened up my bottom desk drawer full of old crap from elementary school. i emptied out the contents of the drawer onto my floor and looked at all the things, all of the memories of greenville. i had these little stories i wrote when i was in 3rd grade, this little doll thing i made for mr. solomons class and this little book of pictures that ellen binder and i drew in like 2nd grade in our attempts to make a brouchure for our "resort". i was rather artistically challenged to say the least, the people had upside down u's for noses and hands with four or six fingers- never five. i may have been mathematically challenged too, im not quite sure. but at the bottom of the drawer, i found my poetry anthology from mrs. jarosz's class in 6th grade and i looked through it. one of the assignments was to write a poem about ur "inside self and ur outside self", and as i was reading through it i realized that although stuff about us does change, the deep core and soul of who we are is unchangeable. i found that stuff in this poem continues to hold true still today for the most part, but that other things accumulate inside of you, shaping you as you go through life---but even with those things cant CHANGE the core of you.
Inside Out or Outside In by 6th grade Danielle Litoff
my inside self and my outside self are different as can be,
my outside self is nice and fun, shes smart, friendly and number one!
sometimes shes a copycat, shes always happy never sad,
shes always there to lend a hand, she never starts the trends or fads,
people know she loves to dance, she loves to talk and act,
but my inside is a whole different story, and thats a definite fact.
inside shes a coward, and shes kinda shy
the girl who wants to be brave and sure, shes afraid to be different 'cuz she thinks they'll laugh
because shes a little bit insecure
do people know she isnt brave, she isnt what she appears?
maybe she'll let go someday of her insecurity and her fears.
along with all those other epiphanies, i realized that since i wrote that poem, ive really come into my own. those insecurities and fears for the most part have gone away, something im endlessly proud of. i remember 6th grade danielle. she wasnt a person now that i really think about it, but she was slowly realizing this for herself. she was pretty much a borderline stephanie wannabe, and she knew it too. after 7th grade, i kind of, grew into my own person. its kind of interesting to reflect on how you've grown since elementary school, not necesarily how you've changed, because you're essentially always the same person, but just how you've developed since then, how much you've learned, how many experiences you've had since then, and to think how all these things shape you. its a little scary too.
last night i was still in blast from the past mode, so i decided to go through some of my really really old cds and i just listened to them. spice girls, hanson, old school no doubt, backstreet boys, mandy moore---i really had no music taste, but even to this day, i still love it all. it just reminds you of every good thing about being little.
SELF-REDISCOVERY test it out. i think you'll pleasantly surprise yourself with all the stuff you'd forgotten about that you used to think would stick with you forever. its good to have a refresher sometimes.
anyway, in other news, vacation is officially here. im leaving for vermont tonight at 4---dont ask, crazy parents. ill be back on sunday, but for those of you who i wont get to speak to, have a VERY merry christmas, i love you all <3
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that is unbelievably cute...but looking back at the past is always sad. i love you :) hopefully i'll see yah some time during the break