Add Memory | Add To Friends
saywhat? (profile) wrote,
on 1-26-2005 at 9:32pm
Current mood: disappointed
Music: im wearing headphone..but no music..odd
Subject: shit
I hate this. I dont think ive been more scared in my whole life. Im writting a self analyzing paper for a class and i think ive had an ephiphany....and I really dont like what i see. Do i really want to put it on paper that im not really as strong and put together as i always told myself i was? I dont think i can take it back though. ive already written it in ink...I never though of myself this way...I feel like my fingers have just betrayed me.

Rough draft just a lil bit and in case i wimp out and erase it :

Somewhere early in my childhood, I decided the only way people would like me would be if I was entertaining. As long as i ignored boys I would never be threatening to the other girls around me. As long as I was always happy, and funny making lots of freindswas just a given. If ignoring guys just wasnt keeping them away, i would just always turn down any advances therefore sheilding myself from any future rejection or unpleasnt feelings, and most importantly, I would never have to look at myself and try to understand why anyone would look at me in that way in the first place. From the outside I was strong, a leader, and someone everyone wanted to be around. Now when i look back at it I feel like the only way I knew how to be was to be a constant giver...that it was my duty in life to give and give, and to not let any of my own emotions get in the way of that.
Post A Comment