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saywhat? (profile) wrote,
on 1-27-2005 at 4:20pm
I feel like I owe it to everyone to tell them that Im ok. Truth is that Im not. The only people that would ever understand this are people that have truly lost mother or father..
Im reading my brothers old journal entries...and his best freind still writes to him..almost every month since he's died. They're the best thing ive come across so far. She writes to him about how she see's me or how she talked to me and that she hopes that Im doing ok. I want so badly to tell her that I am. To show my parents that Im doing ok...and I try soo hard..but Im not. I dont know how to be ok. I would give up everything in the world to talk to him one more time. I know what it feels like to lay in bed and close my eyes and concentrate so hard that my temples hurt. I tell myself that if i concentrate with my entire being that maybe I can talk to him, or feel him. ANYTHING just to feel like I havent lost him forever. But i have.
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