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|Reigning (profile) wrote, |
on 4-15-2005 at 7:29pm
|Current mood: wasteful
Music: Sugarcult - Pretty Girl
Subject: I wrote this like a month ago but never finished it.
Your eyes move quickly back and forth behind your eyelids. Your mind leaves the REM stage of sleep and your dreams melt away. Then you awaken and begin your day not giving the world you were just in much thought. Every night a person spends hours in this self-created world of their mind, and neglects all logic once they enter it. They know it�s not reality. They know they�ll leave it once morning breaks. But what makes reality? During those slumbering hours, that dream world is reality to the mind. It�s unquestionably fake to the conscious mind, but very often the conscious mind is deceived. Is it accurate to say all isn�t real except what�s seen with the awakened eye? Or is the mind�s eye perhaps a bit more clear?
Samantha hunny, do you want a sandwich? Lisa asked poking her head into her daughter�s room. Samantha was laying belly down on the floor with as many crayons in one small hand as she could fit. She was scribbling a giant colorful mass onto a piece of paper.
�Yeah!� she replied, �can I have peanut butter and jelly?�
�Of course,� Lisa said, smiling admirably at her fervors 7-year-old.
In the kitchen, Lisa made the sandwich in silence. The house made no sounds, nor the child in her room. The only bits of noise were the few clanks of the knife in the jelly jar or the scrape of wood on wood when opening a drawer or cupboard. Lisa turned on one stereo of many as she made her way back to Samantha�s room.
Ever since Garret�s death half a year ago, she couldn�t stand the silence. So used to hearing her husband watch T.V, or fix something, or make their daughter laugh, she couldn�t bear to succumb to the quiet. She had gone out two weeks ago and bought a stereo for every room so she would never be left alone to her thoughts.
�Thank you, mom,� Samantha said as she quickly changed into a sitting position. Lisa handed her the sandwich and a glass of milk.
�Be careful,� Lisa warned, �if you get it on the carpet you can�t eat in here anymore.� With a full mouth Samantha mumbled her acknowledgement. �What are you drawing?� Lisa asked, touching the paper of scribbled oblivion.
�What a pretty explosion,� Lisa said. Samantha hummed and bounced in place as she chewed her lunch.
Looking around at the childlike decorations on the walls and sitting on display, Lisa�s eyes fell over to a wooden chair painted in white. Garret had made Samantha the chair for her 6th birthday. She looked away. Samantha finished her food, and proceeded back to drawing after wiping the jelly on her fingers off on her explosion drawing. Lisa picked up the empty milk glass and left her daughter to play.
She placed the cup in the sink, switched off the stereo, and plopped down in a large recliner to watch TV. No more than a few minutes after turning the tube on, a black haze came over her. Her eyelids drooped, and closed. The vision of her daughter and husband sat in a room of crayons. They were scribbling on the walls together laughing and giggling. Garret drew a stick figure, to which Samantha drew a disproportional dog eating the figure.
�Garret?� Lisa said, and just as she did, the crayons levitated, then flew rapidly around the room, though never touching any of the three. Soon the colors became such a blur; Lisa couldn�t see Samantha or Garret anymore. The colors mixed and blended before her eyes, into a strangely familiar slew. Then, they exploded. A loud, blinding explosion of rainbows enveloped her.
�Mom?� Samantha asked, tugging on Lisa�s pant legs. Lisa opened her eyes and looked into Samantha�s. �Do you want this? I made it for you.� Samantha held out a piece of paper. Lisa took it and stared at the explosion she had seen the child drawing earlier.
�Thank you, I love it.� Lisa smiled and kissed Samantha�s head.
Curtains drawn over the windows and scarves over the lampshades, Lisa liked her room dim. It was furnished with a king size bed bearing a large white comforter and 3 pillows with a small cluttered end table beside it, a wooden antique dresser piled with makeup and picture frames, and a full body mirror hanging on the wall. Small, comfortable, and personal was how she preferred it. On this night, as almost every night, she undressed and lay in bed staring into the darkness for at least 2 hours before sleeping. She thought of all the things she wouldn�t let herself throughout the day. Garret walked across her mind, leaving deep imprints with each step. Her chest ached with longing, and her eyes leaked with sorrow. She tried hard to stifle her cries as not to wake Samantha, but some pain is just too difficult to suppress. She pressed her face into the pillow and covered her head with her blanket, almost making her chest scream for air rather than a lost lover.
Finally falling asleep, she saw herself walking along a forest. The trees were thick and created a great shadow growing darker as she looked deeper into the forest. Cold fear trickled on her brow and she continued to look through the trees, though never venturing inside. Then for a brief moment she saw the glimpse of a black outline beyond many of the trees. She took one step past the line between forest and grass, and instantly her head was full to the bursting with every dreadful thought she could imagine. Images of horrible, absolutely terrifying illusions ran past her eyes and screamed at her echoing off every tree, coming back to her with each rebound. She stepped back collapsing to the ground and the screams faded away.
The next morning Lisa woke up with a pulsating headache. She drank some ice water and took two pills.
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