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pixeldot (profile) wrote,
on 7-24-2005 at 9:57pm
Stunkel seemed as though he was trying to be away from me today at Ren Faire.

I thought (being the optimist I am. Ha. Thats a joke) Maybe he wanted to say something to Reid that he didn't want me to hear, and one of the possible things he could have had to say to Reid would be news of him wanting to ask me out again.

But I just asked Reid online, and he said that he is sure that Stunkel wont ask me out again, and was avoiding me because he felt awkward around me.

Upon being utterly bummed out by hearing this, I vented to the only person online, Joe. Joe said that he agrees with Reid, because he still feels weird seeing his ex-girlfriend from 3 years ago.

Then I started thinking, and it was true. I still get butterflies seeing Adam... but bad butterflies. I fear him talking to me, and we broke up 2 years ago. And Adam did want to go out with me again. Stunkel probably feels the same way about me as I do about Adam... but multiplied by like 1000 because I only have the chance to see Adam twice a year at conventions, but Stunkel has to face me a few times a month.

And being one who has experienced it, I'd never want to force that type of feeling on anybody, especially someone I care about so much. So thats that, the chapter is over. The page has been turned. I'm just going to stop wishing for it, and stop pursuing it, because I'm just being a nuicense in my efforts. Its hard to just drop such a strong emotion as love, but I'll just have to be strong.
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