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| mle (profile) wrote, on 7-25-2005 at 12:24am | |
| Current mood: . silently screaming . Music: . afi . this time imperfect . Subject: |
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we just talked for a brief few online. you keep encouraging me to call if i need anything. well i need you. or, at least... i need to know. i can't keep going on like this. i'm going crazy with doubt... to the point of being physically ill. i don't know whether to try to sleep, call you and confess, or punch a hole through the wall. why does this have to be so confusing? all i want to know is if you reciprocate. if yes, then i fucking ruined the butterfly-suspense-awesomeness of falling in love. if not, then i've fucking wasted entirely too many hours brooding over why you haven't called, if it's ok to call you... i think about it all the time. i'm under so much stress at work... and i can't stand the pools anymore. they're driving me to insanity. literally. how much i've failed in life... what i've amounted to. i just want it all to end. all too often, it feels as if it's the only way to calm the storm of obsessions cooking up in my mind. i hyperventilate. then i suffocate. repeat as necessary. |
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