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|twitchy (profile) wrote, |
on 8-11-2005 at 10:58pm
|Subject: please don't read it, it's depressing and I shoudn't have written it
|why can't this be gone?
I want this out of my life, I want it out of my head
out of my head, out of my head
it's just so firmly set, wound around my mind like some vile ivy
and I don't want to feel this way
like I don't control it, like this feeling's always inside my head
and maybe if I cried it would leave, maybe that's why the tears are pounding against the back of my eyelids, but no
just the pounding and the whimpering
and the fact that I feel this, it means I'm a failure
fuel to the fire, just an inferno of loathing
guilt, why? pain, why?
can't I be happy? I guess not
and I've let myself down, like I let everyone down
and I'm weak and vile, and I can't tell myself that it's not ture
and I don't have the will-power to keep it inside
I don't want to be a burden to my friends
and I want to feel happy, don't I deserve to be happy? the answer I hear and feel is no
failure, weakness, letting everyone down, letting yourself down
I should be able to beat this, but I can't, I'm a lie
why do I feel like shit? why can't I be happy? why can't I love a litte without the pain? why can't I deal with this myself?
please disreguard this entry, I shouldn't have written it, I should delete it, I don't want anyone to have to think about it, but I won't delete it because it's hard to keep inside
please disreguard this entry
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If there is anything I can do... please tell me.
Re:, 08-13-05 1:44am
I'm okay, don't worry about me, I'll be fine