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|waiting4rain (profile) wrote, |
on 8-19-2005 at 11:03pm
It's happening in a blink of an eye, like everything familiar is just being yanked away.
I love it, it makes me smile.
But in my weakest moments, I find myself holding tightly to this safe environment here: close friendships, a safe shelter at home, my wonderful room and backyard...
I know that I'll develop those things away at college too but...sigh. I've just begun to be content here, and now, and I've just begun to learn how to be a true friend, and going to that deeper level with my friends, and cherishing them more.
And now I'm leaving.
Hehe. Of course, God would plan it that way.
I am so grateful. He has taught me so much, and this past year has been...wonderful. Jesus Christ has healed my heart, and even now tears flow with gratefulness and joy, because He is teaching me to love. And He has placed the right friendships in my life - even acquaintances I've met through this journal.. but mainly, the faithfulness of my friends and family, and most of all His Faithfulness, has led me to a place where I can say, "yes, I believe. Yes, He heals all wounds. Yes, He is worth living and dying for."
He is just so awesome.
In my human-ness, I go back and forth between wanting to change, and wanting to stay right here, just right where I am. I'm at a good place. And yet, if I just stop here and not let Him take me even more forward - for example, if I were to decide to stay where it's comfortable and where I feel good (like here at home instead of leaving for college.. or - - here spiritually where I'm happy yet not yet refined and intimate with Christ) then I will not be moving forward.
And if I don't move forward, then I'll be stuck here forever.
But He wants to bring me so much further spiritually. I feel it, I feel the pull. But if I back away in intensity, then I will never know Him. And then the day I meet Him and He holds me accountable for my life, I will wish that I could rewind time and live more passionately.
Today, and right here and now, is another opportunity to live even more for Him. To die a little bit more to myself, that I may stand secure on His rock-solid foundation and never falter. And be able to smile as I grasp His Hand.
For isn't that what life is all about? Intimacy with a loving Creator. So when I falter, He is there as my rock. And when everything in my life is stripped away from me, it is just Him and I together.
Yes. I want that.
I must never forget or lose focus off of Him.
So I'm leaving my home town in 6 days. In tenth and eleventh grade, I couldn't wait for this time to come. But I do love my home now. And at the same time, I face this coming week as ready to stand up to any coming challenges. Not on my own strength, but on God's. And with the help of my friends, who I also call family. :}
Awww: mush moment!! I'll miss you all...but it won't be for too long.
Love through Jesus Christ,
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