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sendmemoney (profile) wrote,
on 1-13-2006 at 6:12pm
Current mood: loved
Music: fiona apple - extraordinary machine
I miss letting my eyelashes graze your cheek, your hot breath on my neck, the proximity of our lips before we get lost in a tangle of passion and lust and love and youíre inside me and we are one. Everyone I look at has the same blank face and all I see is you missing from the picture and weeks before your return. I love it when I struggle against you and you hold me so tight that, with all my might, I canít move your arm an inch because, baby, I might struggle against you sometimes but please donít let me go. I get so caught up in you and me and us and this happiness sometimes and my fears come crashing in and knocking me back to reality; I think they may be all that keeps me from floating away but itís such a staggering weight that it gnaws at my brain until I face them and let them override everything you tell me. Iíve never been so scared and so thrilled at the same time. Iíve protected myself for so long, so hard that this is unfamiliar territory weíre charting here, but whatever we encounter, I know we can face because I can be the strongest woman in the world for you. So this is love. The only possible explanation for why Iím so consumed with everything that is you, for knowing the freckles on your back with such detail, the curve of your lips with such intensity, for why I could fill pages about my insatiable desire for you, even just to be near you, for one second if thatís all I could have. You know, I criticized so much before I met you and now I understand. Sometimes you just know. Every factor can work against our favor but as long as we have that one magical moment, itís enough. When I look into your eyes and we laugh together I know. Why I waited so long for you, I know. I know why we were both at the same place that night, why five years ago we couldnít be together, why I sent you a text message so long ago even though my strategy would dictate not to, why we were hit by that hurricane and the phone connected long enough to let us speak, why we arrived at that New Years party too late. I know now to put my trust in you, because I know you are my one. Youíre the one Iíll change for and grow with. The one for whom Iíll bite my tongue in an argument because Iíd rather be happy than right, the one I always hope is on the other end when my phone rings, the one that makes me smile like a giddy little kid just to hear your voice on the other end. This whole page can be summarized in three meaningful little words, but itís everything I mean every time I say it. It terrifies me to show this to you, but Iím going to because I want you to know me inside and out like I want to know you. Iím going to bite my lip and suck it up and just drop it in your pocket and just hope you donít think Iím too crazy and maybe if Iím lucky youíll agree. I love you more than I can express in one stupid letter. I love you with my whole being, with everything I am and will become, forever.
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