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sendmemoney (profile) wrote,
on 1-13-2006 at 6:12pm
Current mood: loved
Music: fiona apple - extraordinary machine
I miss letting my eyelashes graze your cheek, your hot breath on my neck, the proximity of our lips before we get lost in a tangle of passion and lust and love and you’re inside me and we are one. Everyone I look at has the same blank face and all I see is you missing from the picture and weeks before your return. I love it when I struggle against you and you hold me so tight that, with all my might, I can’t move your arm an inch because, baby, I might struggle against you sometimes but please don’t let me go. I get so caught up in you and me and us and this happiness sometimes and my fears come crashing in and knocking me back to reality; I think they may be all that keeps me from floating away but it’s such a staggering weight that it gnaws at my brain until I face them and let them override everything you tell me. I’ve never been so scared and so thrilled at the same time. I’ve protected myself for so long, so hard that this is unfamiliar territory we’re charting here, but whatever we encounter, I know we can face because I can be the strongest woman in the world for you. So this is love. The only possible explanation for why I’m so consumed with everything that is you, for knowing the freckles on your back with such detail, the curve of your lips with such intensity, for why I could fill pages about my insatiable desire for you, even just to be near you, for one second if that’s all I could have. You know, I criticized so much before I met you and now I understand. Sometimes you just know. Every factor can work against our favor but as long as we have that one magical moment, it’s enough. When I look into your eyes and we laugh together I know. Why I waited so long for you, I know. I know why we were both at the same place that night, why five years ago we couldn’t be together, why I sent you a text message so long ago even though my strategy would dictate not to, why we were hit by that hurricane and the phone connected long enough to let us speak, why we arrived at that New Years party too late. I know now to put my trust in you, because I know you are my one. You’re the one I’ll change for and grow with. The one for whom I’ll bite my tongue in an argument because I’d rather be happy than right, the one I always hope is on the other end when my phone rings, the one that makes me smile like a giddy little kid just to hear your voice on the other end. This whole page can be summarized in three meaningful little words, but it’s everything I mean every time I say it. It terrifies me to show this to you, but I’m going to because I want you to know me inside and out like I want to know you. I’m going to bite my lip and suck it up and just drop it in your pocket and just hope you don’t think I’m too crazy and maybe if I’m lucky you’ll agree. I love you more than I can express in one stupid letter. I love you with my whole being, with everything I am and will become, forever.
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